tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53326296229254174872024-03-12T19:31:22.692-05:00Hearts PreparedMeganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.comBlogger247125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-25492052867114963172020-01-22T11:24:00.001-06:002020-01-22T11:54:55.388-06:00puzzle <div style="text-align: center;">
I sat there on the front steps. Tears streaming down my cheeks and falling onto my black leather skirt. The night air was perfect and it was quiet. I clutched my phone in my hand and instantly the words echoed in my mind. </div>
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<i>It doesn't bother me if I don't hear from her all day.</i></div>
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<i>I don't get overly excited when her name pops up on my phone.</i></div>
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<i>Why does Megan have to be so nice</i></div>
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My heart literally ached.</div>
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But not with sadness...<i>with hurt.</i></div>
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It was hurt. The kind of hurt where<i> everything has stopped, how could I be so dumb, I thought I could trust, I care about these people and they don't give a shit about me kind of hurt.</i></div>
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Honestly, never in my life have I felt so stupid. So <i>tricked.</i></div>
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My phone vibrated and I looked down. <i>Kasey.</i> Thank God. He knew I needed her right now. She's always been my best friend. Never judging me, always there for me even when I repeatedly did things she advised not to. I ignored the text and called her. Tears flowed. I sobbed. I just wanted to go home. Home to my baby. Home to where I know the people there are <i>for me.</i></div>
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For the last month I have probably had more anxiety than I have had in a long time. You see, if you're a reader of the blog, you know that I have found such a peace with myself. With my testimony. With this path that God has me walking down. I met someone and it just flowed. And I could probably tell you the <i>exact day</i> things changed. Probably around the time I was called sand..and that <i>you don't take sand to the beach. </i>Ouch. Funny thing is, I am the beach. But yet, I continued to stay apart of this. It's fine. It's all fine. </div>
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You see, my heart has this way of always constantly finding the good in people. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, even after I've been wronged. It's a very good quality, but also gets me into a lot of hurt. </div>
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That final night with him was weird. I remember it vividly. I should have gone home. The words were exchanged, the anger was let out, but I don't remember crying. I just remember thinking how stupid I was for thinking anything was real. For thinking I could trust someone again. For actually letting a few walls down. I was cold. I was tired. I just wanted to press rewind and go back to October when things were what I thought <i>good.</i></div>
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For the last week I have sat down time and time again to write and the words come out but they just aren't what I'm wanting to say. They aren't healing words. They came across with hurt and anger, and that's just not my heart. Not my intentions whatsoever. </div>
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My readers, as you are reading this blog, please always keep in mind that not everyone around you is for you. Not everyone is someone you can trust. Not everyone has your best interest in mind. You deserve the goodness. You deserve someone who speaks good of you behind your back. Someone who gets excited when your name pops up on their phone. Someone who doesn't take your kindness, your good heart, and your niceness for granted. <i>I deserve this too.</i></div>
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I'm not mad. I'm not angry. Sometimes I feel a tad of sadness when I see something that I want to send because I know the laughs that would be had over it. But I resist. If my name popping up on a phone is more of a "ugghhh" than it is a happy reaction, my name won't be popping up.</div>
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But what sucks most of all, is that now I am so afraid that when someone genuine does come along, that I won't be open to them. That I won't be brave enough to let walls down or to feel safe enough to trust.<span style="font-size: large;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Because I felt safe with you.</i></span> </div>
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But you weren't there yet or I just wasn't it...and that is <i>okay.</i>..but what isn't okay is the fact that you <i>kept me around. You included me. You still had conversations with me that I thought were special. </i>THAT is what's not okay. I hope the hurt that you still go round and round with from the past, you let God heal soon. And I hope that you find peace with yourself. I know the moment will come. That moment when something happens or you see something that instantly triggers your mind to me. I'm curious to know what emotions will run through you. But I'm not angry. I'm letting the hurt go. I think your heart is good...I know it is. I just hope that the next time, if there is a next time, that a <i>good damn woman </i>comes into your life, that you do everything you can to keep her..<i>.<b>but only if you're ready, if not then let her go.</b></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">Forgiveness is one hell of a thing. </span></i></div>
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So my friends, I am not only telling you this but I am also telling myself... if you're hurting, run to God. He is the only one who can fully heal you. He is the only one that can bring the comfort and feeling of belonging that we all yearn for. Take your time. Life is not a race. Let him fill every void and hole you are feeling until you are whole again. </div>
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AND When you find yourself like me, sitting on those front steps with tears streaming as you sob because what and who you've come to care about aren't exactly what they were portrayed to be in your life..cry all you need to and then realize that a closed door is just another puzzle piece put into place by God. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhekKl2CsshtmGv9A7fkZNI54RXRDMUe3uberOxfuFlQmyQmqjHjQk5RImxBB11T6wBRIxRIV3YBXu_LlK_cHcM5MspJUVaASxYLNRBIwNCqailSO1fP-4WiueGIXo5awR52WalfSXWV58/s1600/AFAED6FA-DDC7-4281-845D-0F425A5F1122.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhekKl2CsshtmGv9A7fkZNI54RXRDMUe3uberOxfuFlQmyQmqjHjQk5RImxBB11T6wBRIxRIV3YBXu_LlK_cHcM5MspJUVaASxYLNRBIwNCqailSO1fP-4WiueGIXo5awR52WalfSXWV58/s640/AFAED6FA-DDC7-4281-845D-0F425A5F1122.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">"</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Slow down, take time</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Breathe in He said</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><i><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">He'd reveal what's to come</span></i></i></span></div>
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<span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"></span></i></span>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><i style="background-color: transparent;"><span jsname="YS01Ge">The thoughts in His mind</span></i></span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><i style="background-color: transparent;"><span jsname="YS01Ge">Always higher than mine</span></i></span></i></span></div>
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<i style="background-color: transparent;"><span jsname="YS01Ge">He'll reveal all to come</span></i></div>
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<i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">So take courage my heart</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Stay steadfast my soul</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><i><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">He's in the waiting</span></i></i></span></div>
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<span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"></span></i></span>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><i style="background-color: transparent;"><span jsname="YS01Ge">He's in the waiting</span></i></span></i></span></div>
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</span><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"></span></i></span>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><i style="background-color: transparent;"><span jsname="YS01Ge">And hold onto your hope</span></i></span></i></span></div>
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</span><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<i style="background-color: transparent;"><span jsname="YS01Ge">Watch your triumph unfold</span></i></div>
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<span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>He's never failing"</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>-Bethel, "Take Courage"</i></span></div>
Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-82197057196749244872019-12-09T17:30:00.003-06:002019-12-09T18:24:43.430-06:00Past<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So here it is. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Life is full of what ifs and fear. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Being scared. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Scared of your fear.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Scared of hurt.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Scared of something good. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Scared of something you <i>know you want.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Why though? Because people were careless with our hearts before? We shut it down. Build those walls. And find ways to keep our minds off of the truth and the reality. The truth that we know in our heart, is good. But sometimes that's too much for people. The thought of falling and falling hard scares the hell out them. I'm not saying that that isn't okay. It's normal when the track record isn't great. Of course it's okay to be scared. But at some point or another you've got to realize that you're never going to find that someone. You're never going to be fully happy. You're always going to walk around with that what if and that regret of letting everything you've wanted, go. Spending the nights drinking and numbing every emotion and feeling. That way you don't have to face it. Looking for the next hook up. Doing anything and everything you can to stop the feeling. Finding things to keep your mind preoccupied from what your heart really is saying. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This is why the cycle continues. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I think that it's time we grow up, realize that crap happens in this life. Yes, it hurts. But seriously..look at how much stronger it made you. Look at how it made it clear what you want and what you don't want. We've got to stop using the past as an excuse for why relationships aren't lasting. It's time we start making conscious decisions to <i>not</i> let the past ruin our present and our future. Because in reality, when this is what's happening, we're just using the people we claim to connect with and tearing their hearts down little by little. Then when parting ways happens with silence, both are just so confused. They had the good, they saw the good, they wanted the good. But too hurt to trust again. Leading on just seems easier to some. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So what happens? What happens when you reach this limbo? You want it but you don't because everything has changed but it's still the same and everything is just so uncertain? You're certain of what you want. You thought you were certain about the other side..until they showed maybe not. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Listen, this crap is so hard y'all. Dating sucks. Relationships are work. Not many people want to work at something these days when literally at any given moment the other person can just be done. Just done. And then there you are just hanging. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And the saddest part.....</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">the ones who do mean well and have nothing but the best intentions to love and care for someone's heart, they get closed out. And it hurts. It hurts like hell. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I read something earlier that really hit me. It was talking about healthy love and toxic love. And it hit me.. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>one of the hardest and most important things you can learn, is that healthy love does not hurt...it heals. </b></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Time is ticking and we aren't gaining any time either. I really think it's so important to make sure those that you care about <i>know </i>how you feel about them. Stop talking about settling down and bouncing from person to person searching.. when you literally have one of the best things in front of you. Trust me, you want to before it's too late. Regret is one hell of thing to walk with throughout this life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I think a lot of us need to hear this. Especially myself. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>My friends, it's okay to hurt. It's okay to feel. It's okay to heal. And I promise you with all of my heart, it's okay to trust a good one. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i>We should start thanking our past for screwing up and leading us to better.</i></b></span></div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-73846431276607150342019-11-18T13:21:00.000-06:002019-11-18T13:21:01.305-06:00E a s y <span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What is it in today's world that just doesn't quite add up when it comes to dating? Why has this culture taken it and turned it into something that it's not? What happened to genuine real connections and working for something? You "talk" for three weeks and then it just stops when one side ghosts and then that's it. Never another word. </span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I am just so sick of this culture and how loosely they throw around love, relationships, and feelings. </span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Y'all already know my stance on this. So I won't go there. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">BUT, when one of those culture followers decides to do that to a good one, well let's be thankful for that..because that good one finds <i>y o u.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Let's talk about when that realness does come along. You're just living your life and finally loving yourself again and then here's the knock on your door. Everything halts...then slowly starts turning again. And you entertain the idea. But that's as far as you will go with it. Until entertaining turns into enjoying and then enjoying turns into connecting and connecting turns into wanting to see this person...more. WHAT. And you just keep going and it's like you don't even want to stop or check up. Because for the first time ever, this person isn't trying to change you. They enjoy the flaws that you've been insecure about because of some narcissistic individual who <i>you were never good enough for...even at your best, </i>would pick apart daily. They aren't constantly throwing up red flags and then gas lighting you. Because why?</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Because they've been hurt too. And this is where the story begins.</span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As Maren Morris says </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You didn't save me</span></i></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">You didn't think I needed saving</span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">You didn't change me</span></span></i></div>
<span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<i style="background-color: transparent;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span jsname="YS01Ge">You didn't think I needed changing</span></span></i></div>
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<i style="background-color: transparent;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span jsname="YS01Ge">My wings are frayed and what's left of my halo's black</span></span></i></div>
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<i style="background-color: transparent;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span jsname="YS01Ge">Lucky for me, your kind of heaven's been to Hell and back</span></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">And that's when you realize that not everyone has the intentions that your past had. But will it last? Only God knows that. But, what I can tell you is that it won't deter me or slow me down. I wont stop living and loving because I am fearful of being hurt again. When someone just <i>gets you</i> that's a unique thing, How nice it is to have someone that understands certain pains of life. Understands certain things that not everyone could understand. With just one look, the waves are calmed and there's a peace that flows across every inch of your body.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>Such a breath of fresh air. </i></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">If there's anything I've learned in the last two years, it's to just keep going. Keep loving. Keep putting yourself out there...because one day, just one day, someone is going to come along and make your head spin and leave the stupidest smile on your face. And it will be easy and light. It will be something and someone that has <i>depth.</i> And it won't have to be so serious all the time 24/7. They will slowly break down walls. One at a time, Slowly but firmly. When this person does come along, just be yourself and breathe. Don't overthink <i>(queen of overthinking RIGHT HERE)</i>, be honest with yourself and this person, and just enjoy it. Love should be fun. Hard times will come but once you get past the hard times, you both are stronger together. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">For too long I tried so hard to make something that was doomed, work. And it just wouldn't work. My heart was miserable and hurting because I was pushing it to do something that it KNEW WAS WRONG. Let the past teach you what you need to know for the present and the future. Let it show you what you DON'T WANT.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">So thank you, my past, for showing me. For showing me who I am, what I want, helping me to see <i>my worth</i>..that you were not worth. And treating me horribly. Because it made me <i>stronger.</i> I woke up and hated how I felt. I hated the motions every damn day. I wanted to cry, scream, and curse all at the same time. I didn't know that happiness could feel so <i>light.</i> I didn't know that it could be <i>easy...that it didn't have to be so hard every day. </i>Thank you for letting me be free. Thank you for letting me go before I even realized you had. Thank you for making me afraid to voice my feelings and hurt because I was always shut down and blamed for it. You helped me to learn to be brave and intentional with my words and my emotions..making it easier for when love did come along. To be able to communicate without fear of being made to feel stupid. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>So, here's my heart. Repaired, full of love, and a few scars. But worth it all. </i></span></span></div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-65101646260128703652017-01-15T20:45:00.000-06:002017-01-15T20:51:37.618-06:00somewhere in between //<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I slid down the door frame and sat on the floor. Head leaned back. My heart was racing. I could feel the heat rising to my head. My head felt heavy. Dizzy. </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">I am so stupid. I am so stupid. </i><span style="font-family: inherit;">"How could I be so stupid? I just don't understand" I said </span>out loud<span style="font-family: inherit;">.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I looked up and saw his face. "Tell me. How could <i>I be so stupid??" </i>I demanded. I demanded to hear an answer. An answer that made me feel better. Not even better, just an answer to help me understand what the heck was going on. And all I got from him was a head shake and the words "<i>It was a mistake..."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I looked at the floor. Hardwood. Dirt. It was cold. I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. <i>What am I doing here? Just get up. Get up Meg. Leave. Leave him here. Just walk away. It was so easy for you to walk away the times before. Just leave. GO.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But my butt stayed cemented to the floor. That cold and dirty floor. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I brought my eyes up and saw some worn cowboy boots across the room. I thought about the way they looked on him. The way I always admired how hard he worked. Reminded me of my daddy. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But then I looked up and I saw him. And I saw hurt. I saw heartbreak. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And for the next month and some days, it was pure confusion every time I looked at him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But..</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Somewhere in between sitting on that cold floor and now, sitting on my cozy bed- I realized it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I figured it out.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's not what I thought. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's completely different.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">You see, I am in such a special season of life right now. A season that I always dreaded. A season that I hoped I would never have to go through.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">A season of singleness. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">A season of constant "so are you dating anyone" questions. Or of being fond of someone but it's just not there for you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">A season of letting it wide open and <i>embracing</i> the heart of this particular season.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">A season of reflecting. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So, here I am. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Embracing the heart of this. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Yearning and pressing into God more and more daily because the truth is, in this season of singleness, He is molding me. Not only is He doing that, He is doing <i>so much more. </i>This is an intimate season between God and myself. A season that when I get married one day, <i>I won't have this special alone season ever again. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Many people don't have the courage to wait during this. And to embrace it. Don't get me wrong, the quiet is deafening at times. The loneliness can overwhelm. But ultimately, I embrace it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Let me become a woman of God.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Let me become the wife God has planned for me to be.<br />Let me fall even more in love with our maker than I already am.</i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem,</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Song-3-5" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer:</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span class="text Song-3-5" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;"></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span class="text Song-3-5" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up,</span></span></div>
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</span><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"></span></span>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Song-3-5" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">until the time is ripe—and you’re ready. -Song of Solomon 3:5 (MSG)</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I just find it so encouraging when I think about the fact that our experiences and relationships have helped shape us. They've helped make us <i>who we are. </i>We've either let them add to us, or completely shut us down...To disregard love and relationships and just have meaningless relations that are temporary fixes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I just want to encourage you if you need it. If you're in this same season as I am, GOOD! You're <b><i>not alone.</i></b> Embrace this season. You can either realize how special this season is, or you can make it as terrible as possible. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Remember, God is <i>for you.</i> He is <i>with you.</i> He will<i> never forsake you.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>He is all we truly need in this life.</b> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">If you're one that's been hurt. Ghosted a few times, walked on, cheated on, disrespected, told you're "the marrying type" not the dating type (*insert eye roll*)....then GOOD.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Don't let the hurt that someone else caused,<i> because they were hurting</i>, be the end of it for you. Don't let them be the reason you completely turn away from love and from <i>good people.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This season is a gift.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Keep your eyes and your heart on God.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And when the time is right, HE will make it happen.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span class="versenum" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> "</span><span style="background-color: white;"><b>Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time</b>."</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> - Ecclesiastes 3:11</span></span></div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-48353227049332326052016-11-27T20:44:00.000-06:002016-11-27T21:11:09.985-06:00to my future//<div style="text-align: left;">
Dear future husband, </div>
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Here I am, once again, curled up and comfy on the bed needing to talk. To get every detail out and off of my chest. To share what's going on in my mind and in my heart. To cry some tears because of the hurt I am feeling. To be reassured that I am worthy because God says I am. </div>
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You see, the last couple of years have been a little tough. I'm sure, eventually, you will read this blog in its entirety, and you'll understand a little bit better. I've found myself in a few situations. A little blinded, a bit dumb, a bit stubborn, and confused. I've stayed when I should have ran, and I've ran when I should have stayed. I've spent countless nights praying for God to just hug me. To give me the slightest glimmer of hope and pull me through the night. I've prayed for Him to shut doors that didn't need to be opened. And that, He did. He's opened the doors that needed to be opened.<b> </b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Everything that He's taken, He's always replaced with something better fitting.</span> </b></div>
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I'm not sure if I'm just a hard person to love or if people just don't know how to love a heart like mine. In the last two experiences, they just haven't been able to care for my heart like God intends for the man to. And it's left me so sad but so hopeful in a way.</div>
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But it just hurts. It hurts when someone you've known for so long and wanted nothing more than to care for them, shuts you out. Disappears on you. Leaves you there, just standing..wondering what in the world just happened. And you replay conversations and memories and text messages and you just can't pinpoint it. You pick up the pieces of the hurt caused and you start to believe that it's you. </div>
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I hope you've never done this to someone. Or had it done to you. I hope you're a man of courage and integrity. A man who is honest and sincere. A man who will never manipulate others or deceive others because you aren't sure of your feelings or you aren't sure how to handle fear. It hurts a lot. Relationships, friendships, etc...it hurts in those areas. </div>
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I hope you're a patient man. A man who won't get frustrated with me when I'm just not in the best mood. Or a man that will never ever be with another woman behind my back. I hope you're a man that will tell me when something is wrong or bothering you. I pray you're a man that loves God more than you love me. I pray that you're a man who will lead me closer to The Lord. One who will be a beautiful reminder of God's faithfulness and His love. A man that puts others before himself.</div>
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I hope you never let me fall asleep letting me feel unwanted. No matter <i>how mad you are at me. </i> And I will never ever let you fall asleep feeling unwanted..no matter how mad I am at you. </div>
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<i>I also hope you can handle my sharpie addiction, And my addiction to leggings and tennis shoes.</i> </div>
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I hope that you never put me down or make me feel less than. </div>
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I don't know who you are, or where you're at. I don't know if I already know you. In either case, it's clear that God is just working away and arranging our roads to intersect finally, or again. </div>
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But, what I do know, is that I've waited for what seems like forever for you. And I've made mistakes. I'm not perfect. I am messy and emotional, and weird, and loud, and I talk too much, and<i> I cry weekly</i>..<b>.but I have a heart that will love you forever</b>. A heart that just patiently waits for the day it meets yours. So my soul can finally say it's been waiting and it's found you. A heart that feels so much that it sometimes feels like it's breaking. </div>
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Continuing to press into God is what keeps me going. Because trust me, I'd love to quit right now. I'd love to throw my hands up and give up. Be bitter and jaded. But I refuse to do that. So, pressing into God is what I will continue to do. He will keep molding me into the woman and wife He plans for me to be. Preparing me.</div>
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Life is messy and unpredictable. It's hard. It's not fair. But, it is also good. God is good and He is faithful. I know this sadness I feel right now will eventually become a memory that is stored in my heart. And when I hear a certain song, I know I will feel the sting of this particular sadness again. But I'll smile when I think about the fact that life is constantly changing and doors are closing because God is working. He is leading me to you and you to me. So tonight, when I lay down and close my eyes, I might let a few tears fall, but in my heart I know that </div>
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Right now, our <b>hearts</b> are being <b>prepared</b>. </div>
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<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-10277919014594882092016-10-04T18:55:00.001-05:002016-10-05T00:14:09.092-05:00All this time//<div style="text-align: center;">
Earlier today i posted a haunting status on Facebook. Now, im not usually posting statuses but when I get the urge, one is posted. Like this:<br />
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"In life we all go through things. And sometimes, in the midst of those things we ignore those who care for us because we are so focused on our circumstances around us. If I could turn back the clock and do it differently- I would. In a heartbeat. But that's not possible. It's possible to make the past the past and build a beautiful now and future. Sometimes when we finally come to our senses and finally get out of the tunnel we were in- we see things. The people who were standing there with us the whole time. And usually it's not too late. But sometimes when we realize things- it may be a bit too late..and the sinking feeling is a feeling that leaves you breathless and hollow."</div>
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This past week has been an interesting one. Very interesting. I can't decide or figure out what in the heck is going on. So, naturally, I have overthought it and overthought it some more and more...and well, some more. You know how us females are.</div>
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It's just so out of character.</div>
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The silence is deafening. </div>
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The silence is so loud that it's impossible to have a clear thought. </div>
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Today as I was clearing out my iPad, I came across some things. They made me smile, they made me cry, and they made me angry at myself. They made my heart sad.</div>
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You see, for several years I wanted something so badly. But it just wouldn't couldn't happen. At some point, I gave up on the surface. Deep in my heart I still wanted this, but I knew it wasnt the time. Years go by. Still the same. And then out of nowhere, it was right there infront of me. Asking me to give everything I had wanted to give years before. But, I couldn't. My heart was in no shape to say yes. It was in no shape to be given. So I did what I needed to do in order to let God work in my heart and to heal me. And that, He did. And I just happened to be so lucky enough that I was forgiven and a new beginning was happening.</div>
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I got the job I only dreamt of having.</div>
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I moved back to Alabama. </div>
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I was back in my church. </div>
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And there, there was everything my heart had kept inside for so many years. Just like that, it was exploding and jumping for joy and smiling all at the same time. </div>
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It was able to take a big sigh of relief and say "finally"..<i>..it was home. </i></div>
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But now,</div>
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now,</div>
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it is sinking. It is thinking. It is wondering. </div>
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Most of all, it is sorry.</div>
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I am sorry. </div>
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I am sorry for all of the text messages that went unanswered. I am sorry for wanting something so badly and then saying no.....Only because there would be one more person hurting if I would have said yes. I am sorry for the silence I gave you. </div>
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But what <b>I'm not sorry </b>for is for the fact that I gave silence and said no <b><i>to protect you.</i></b> To protect you from the hurt my heart would have caused you. I'm not sorry for the bajillion prayers I've prayed for you and for you and I. I'm not sorry for always being a little shy around you. I'm not sorry for being a drama queen and hitting the floor every time my foot is stepped on. I'm not sorry for looking up at you with a genuine smile so deep my heart was smiling with my face everytime you came around me. I'm not sorry for letting myself heal and for realizing that all this time, <i><b>it's been you</b></i>. I'm not sorry. And I'm especially not sorry for writing this. And I'm definitely not sorry for baring my heart to you. </div>
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overreacting and overthinkning? timing? payback? fear of this?</div>
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I don't know. </div>
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But what I do know is that, <b>I'm here.</b> I'm <i>not leaving </i>and I <i>won't give up </i>until told to. </div>
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<i>I'd drink my La Croix water and wear my little Nikes anywhere this life took us.</i></div>
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so, if you're reading this, there you have it. I am sorry for so many things and I'm also not sorry.</div>
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<i>love always</i>, </div>
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MC</div>
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<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-46322530749348970912016-07-29T17:12:00.001-05:002016-07-29T17:21:03.133-05:00untitled //<div style="text-align: center;">
What is it about letting something go that makes it seem so impossible?</div>
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Is it that the picture we've painted is so much better than the reality and we are just holding on for dear life to the picture we had? Even though the reality is just crumbling if not already crumbled to pieces.</div>
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<i>what is it?</i></div>
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I know for me, something I have realized recently is that I am so afraid of being painted as a bad person. That because I am trying to let go and fully move on and just block this from my mind, that I am <i>not a good person.</i> I'm not a good person because I don't continue what I've had a large part in continuing, long after it was done in the first place. It's so sad.</div>
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It's so sad that I've second guessed <i>every single decision I have made in the last few days. </i>And I go back to undo what I did because <i>I feel like I am terrible for trying to move on. </i>But let me tell you, <b><i>you are NOT a bad person for trying to move on. You are NOT a bad person for removing yourself from something that is toxic to both parties.</i></b></div>
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You guys, if there is anything I have learned in this past season, it's that when God asks you to let go, it's best you just let go. You just let that door close. Because if not, it will get to the point of <i>shattering. </i>It will get to the point where resentment rises. We don't want that. We are called to love, not to resent.</div>
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I think I just care so much about people that it's not good. When I see someone I care for, hurting, i want to help make it better. Even if they haven't said they are hurting. When you've been lost, broken, or confused yourself, you <i>can always always always see the ones who are lost, broken, or confused. </i>And I want to encourage. But sometimes, that kindness gets taken advantage of. At first it's not really noticeable, but then, then it just keeps going on and on and on. </div>
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<i>when does it stop?</i></div>
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It stops when you make it stop. It stops when you stop allowing yourself to be half of the problem. It stops when you decide that you can't take it anymore.<i> It stops when you make the decision to walk away. </i></div>
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When the rug is pulled out from underneath you and everything is all out of sorts, and you're just not sure what is happening or what God is doing...just breathe. Remember that our Lord is Sovereign. That He isn't going to cause pain without purpose. That anytime He is removing and closing doors, it's because there is something He has in mind that is better for you and the plan He has for <i>your life.</i></div>
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I'm totally speaking to myself when I say this and to anyone out there who needs it: stop holding onto what you wanted it to be. Stop holding onto the life <i>you planned.</i> because God will wreck your plans so quick when He sees that they are about to wreck you!!! </div>
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I'm not here to point fingers, you're not here to point fingers- we are here to accept what is, to learn from it, and to move on. To take what we've learned and to apply it. </div>
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Is it still going to hurt? Yes. Some days it will hurt like hell.</div>
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Not sugar coating at all. You will have to make the conscious decision and effort to get up and get going.</div>
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<b>But it gets better. </b></div>
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And life gets a little lighter as each day passes.</div>
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And your smile slowly turns from fake to real.</div>
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<b>Be confident in where your strength comes from. Know that God is not going to fail you. </b></div>
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End of story.<b> </b></div>
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Just know that people come into our lives for a reason. And not everyone is meant to stay. Some are just passing through. And some pass through and then wind up finding their way back into our lives. And sometimes not. But either way, let's let the resentment go. Let the hurt and anger go. Let it all go... holding onto those things is only delaying you. </div>
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There are moments in my days sometimes where I just beat myself up. How <i>stupid</i> could I really be? To not see that I wasn't wanted where I was wanting to be. And <i>why I was wanting to be there when I was unwanted</i>, I'll never understand. <b>But it made me get to the point where I didn't want myself. </b>And that is so <i>dangerous & heartbreaking.</i> <b>But I've realized that some people just can't handle my heart.</b> Period. Not everyone may know how to care and how to love a heart like mine. And that's okay..it doesn't make that person bad or not good enough. They just aren't capable of it.</div>
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It hurts to let it go, but at the same time it will be so rewarding. Loving yourself, wanting yourself, knowing your worth. You will be radiant. And everyone will see it. </div>
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So step into the new chapter that is waiting on you.</div>
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But whatever you do, </div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">don't let the ones who couldn't love you, stop you from loving again. </span></i></div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-19591991933200040862016-07-21T22:42:00.000-05:002016-07-21T22:45:36.798-05:00Let it go, let it be//<div style="text-align: center;">
So, here I sit. On my little twin size air mattress. Boxes packed and piled up around me. My empty closet with my suitcase full of clothes sitting in it. The comfortableness of my room isn't the normal. But I am comfortable. I think reality is hitting with every box I pack. </div>
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Honestly, I am not too sure how I feel right now.</div>
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I have a lot of silence in me.</div>
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As exciting as this all is, I am so so sad. </div>
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I'm not sure that I am necessarily ready for this chapter of my life to close. I want to hold onto it so badly. But, in the last few months, I've come to really really understand the pain of holding onto something that I need to let go of. So I know that I need to trustingly and gracefully let this chapter go.<i> Let it close</i>.</div>
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I am just so afraid. Afraid I won't ever feel the happiness that I've felt in this chapter. Or the rawness of loving someone so much and not being loved in return. The feeling of trying so hard to make someone see how worthy I was. The feeling of not being good enough. The feeling of fully trusting God when I couldn't see how the next day could possibly make sense. The feeling of feeling like a failure. The feeling of loneliness. Or the feeling of a heart so heavy that I honestly didn't know how to breathe.</div>
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You see, ALL of those feelings, I needed to feel. I had to feel them. And as much as I never ever want to feel that rejection and hurt and sadness again, I also know that if I don't feel those feelings again, then I've found the one who loves me so much in return. The one who sees how worthy God says I am. The feeling of achievement - when before I felt like such a failure in certain areas of life. The feeling of knowing what loneliness felt like, that way I will appreciate loneliness and company so much more. And the feeling of a heart so heavy- <i>I'll be feeling so thankful that I have a heart that is capable of loving others so much. </i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">You see, the more we hold onto someone or something, the worse it is for ourselves. We stay stuck. We start to devalue ourselves. We allow things to continually happen and it's a downward spiral</span></i>.</div>
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<b><i>Listen to me right here, right now-</i></b></div>
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You cannot make someone love you. You cannot make someone ready. You cannot keep replaying a chapter of your life because it's comfortable and you're scared of the future. You cannot keep punishing yourself. I know. Trust me... The thought of certain things not happening or being in my life, kills me. Makes my heart so so sad. I wish things could be different. But they can't and they aren't. I have to keep going, You have to keep going. </div>
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<u><i>This is where our stories are beginning, not ending</i></u>. </div>
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For months I have prayed and prayed for an opportunity to come my way. After rejection after rejection, finally something came. It all just fell into place and was so easy. And now 1 month and a week later, I am moving from Alabama to Tennessee. I can't be hesitant when this is something I have prayed about for so long. I can't be fearful. </div>
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There's a verse that just keeps playing over and over again in my mind and my heart these last couple days </div>
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<i>"Never will I leave you, never will I abandon you." - Hebrews 13:5</i></div>
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Please, don't get me wrong- I am thrilled for this new journey. I am thankful for it. I have the best support system cheering me on and I am stoked. I know God has amazing plans. But, I am sad. I won't hide or deny that fact. </div>
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I just need a little extra help when it comes to the letting go part.</div>
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And that's okay- no matter what anyone says.</div>
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We ALL have something we need help letting go of. </div>
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And we ALL can do it. Trust God, trust His timing. </div>
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Let it go, Let it be.</div>
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<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-86667323796432128482016-04-29T22:18:00.001-05:002016-04-29T22:36:50.756-05:00waiting <div style="text-align: center;">
So, it's been awhile.</div>
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And when I say awhile I mean almost two months....that's too long.</div>
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Life has been very interesting these last two months.</div>
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My mission trip to LA happened earlier this month and it was life changing. I will have a post up soon about that.</div>
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But tonight there is something weighing so heavy on my heart.</div>
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Waiting.</div>
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Sitting.</div>
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Being still.</div>
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I woke up with a feeling of peace. I got up looked in the mirror and threw my hair up in a pony. Sleepily walked to the kitchen and went through all the motions of getting my cup of coffee. "<i>Today will be a good day"</i> I thought to myself. Came back to my bed and opened my Bible. Fast forward a few hours and I am battling thoughts. Fighting my mind from going there. <i>You're amounting to nothing. You weren't good enough for him. God has definitely let you down. You're going nowhere in this life...everyone would be better off if you weren't here. I don't know why He saved you from the 18 wheeler. </i><br />
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Lie after lie after lie.</div>
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Still, everywhere I look, doors are still closing. </div>
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I had my heart set on a job. A job that seemed so perfect for me. Interview went wonderful, it just made sense. And then, last Friday night I am sitting at a ball game and the email came through letting me know the position was filled. Instantly I started sobbing. And I mean sobbing. Thank goodness the lights were shutting off for fireworks because I was a tearful mess. As I sat there and heard the boom of each firework, I felt the pieces of my heart falling apart. The ache. The sadness. The sadness was just so sad. I was so sad. So so sad. I remember sending a text that said <i>"why is everything good being taken away from me?"</i> I remember hitting send and then feeling the tears fall from my cheeks onto my legs. I just sobbed. First, God shuts the door on a relationship that I wanted so badly to work. So badly. And it wasn't shut in a nice way. It was a slam with silence. And then it was just rejection from every job. But this job was different. It was almost perfect for my first "official move off to a different state and start my own life job". I just kept texting. Asking why God was doing this. Why was this happening. </div>
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<i>He's closing on the good, to bring in the great.</i></div>
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And then the words from a sweet sweet new friend I met in Los Angeles hit me. </div>
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"<i>God is healing the deepest hurts and the deepest pains of your heart. Even the parts you are too ashamed to tell anyone about. He is healing them. And He is SO excited about what He has planned for you."</i></div>
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I let the memories of those words soak into my mind and my heart. </div>
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I came home and cried myself to sleep that night.</div>
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But what is it? What is the reasoning behind the fact that I am so against letting this person go? What was it about that job that made the news so devastating? </div>
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Here I am, standing in front of both just waving my hands, jumping up and down saying </div>
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<i>"pick me! Pick me! Choose me! Here I am! Choose me!" </i><br />
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And God is just there, saying <i>"no my daughter. That's not what I have for you."</i><br />
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And that person just looks at me and doesn't want me.</div>
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And that job saw me, but doesn't want me.</div>
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<span style="font-style: italic;">But don't play with my heart..if you don't want me, then let me go.</span><br />
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And there I am again, crying to my best friends because I am hurting. And here they are again, speaking God's promises into my life. And reminding me of my worth and deserving better.</div>
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And here I am. A week later. Just waiting.</div>
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Waiting for time to reveal things. Waiting for the moment I say "I see God. I see why that didn't happen."</div>
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I know God is working. And I know those doors closed for a reason. I am <i>so thankful. </i>I am. But it still hurts, and I still cry. But I also know that God has a different plan for me than what I had planned. I know that in this season of waiting, I am being refined and prepared. I am being taught. I am being disciplined. I am learning to trust again. I am seeing God working all around me. But it still doesn't make sense. </div>
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And I am done trying to make sense of it all. I am exhausted from trying so hard.</div>
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In this waiting, I want to use this season to get to know God more intimately. Deeper than I have ever known Him. I want every aspect of my life to begin and end with Him. And every area in between that to be filled with him. While I am waiting I will praise Him in the valleys and I will praise Him on the mountains. </div>
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I just never imagined that I would be in this position. That He would walk me through the fire. That I would face such hurt and heartbreak in my 26 years of life. But I am. I have. I will. And each step of the way, He is there. Right there with me. And on the days that it hurts to even breathe, He is breathing His breath into me. He is giving me strength to take the next step. Step by step, day by day. I am so grateful. 4 years ago I made a decision and walked away from a life that I didn't want. On that day I told God that my life is yours, my journey is yours- let's do this. I wholeheartedly yielded. Little did I know. </div>
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This post is really me preaching to myself. Reminding myself of things. But it's also for you. If you are in a season of waiting, a season of unknowns, a season of life that is just really really hard and discouraging, I want to encourage you. Stick it out. Use this season to grow deeper in love with God. Use it to discover things about yourself. It's okay to hurt and it's okay to cry. And when you're confused and the enemy keeps filling your mind with his lies, just push into God. Remind yourself of His promises. </div>
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<b>So let the doors close and don't bang on them. </b></div>
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<b>Rejection is God's protection.</b></div>
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<b>Open your heart and let God do His work.</b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>If we could see through Jesus' eyes, we would want exactly what he wants for ourselves. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span>Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-39715226081572398692016-03-09T16:25:00.000-06:002016-03-09T16:29:49.389-06:00something new<div style="text-align: center;">
In the last month I have sat on my bed and started writing a new post.Minutes later that post was drafted and never posted. I am hoping today is a little different. Life has been different lately. </div>
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Let me start by saying that I am once again in complete awe of God and how faithful He is. </div>
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Never in my life have I seen faithfulness like His. </div>
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When we let go of things and people that aren't meant for us, that opens the door for God to usher in what IS meant for us and WHO is meant for us. </div>
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It hurts. I know, it really does hurt. But, like I have always said before, <i>there is purpose in the pain. There is meaning in the confusion. There is understanding in the chaos. </i></div>
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For weeks and weeks I held on. I held on to any little thing I could to make it seem like it was still real. Like it wasn't gone. </div>
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Confusion, hurt, tears. That was daily for me. I just couldn't understand how something that was a daily thing in your life, could just be gone. Like that. No reason given, no words spoken, nothing. Nothing at all. Just silence. Deafening silence. Silence that cut so deep and hurt more than the truth. Silence that gave me my answer. Silence that helped me understand that I had to let go, because I deserve <i>so much more and so much better than silence. </i></div>
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I remember so vividly standing there in that auditorium. K was to my left and I just remember singing those words over and over again. </div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;">Your Name is higher</span><br style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; font-size: 17px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;">Your Name is greater</span><br style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; font-size: 17px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;">All my hope is in You</span><br style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; font-size: 17px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;" /><br style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; font-size: 17px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;">Your word unfailing</span><br style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; font-size: 17px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;">Your promise unshaken</span><br style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; font-size: 17px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;">All my hope is in You</span></span></i></div>
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I just remember hearing words spoken saying <i>"Whatever it is you need to let go of, let's just let it go tonight. Whatever healing you need in your heart, let God do that. Let Him put your broken pieces together."</i></div>
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And in that moment, I let go. I knew right then I was going to be okay. More thank okay actually. I had no idea where God was going to take me or what God was going to do in my life.<i><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">But I knew it was going to be everything my heart could ever desire. </span></i></div>
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The very next day a door was opened and I was shocked. A week later another door was opened and I was once again blown away. For months and months I had been so unsure about where to go with my degree and my career. And then it was just thrown in my lap.</div>
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It's like I was standing still and the world was spinning and I was just watching things fall around me...<i>into place. </i> </div>
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New friendships have been made </div>
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New doors have been opened.</div>
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And I am so confident with where I am at. </div>
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I know I say this often, but I just want to encourage someone who needs it. When it feels like everything is falling apart and people are walking away from you with silence---- it's <i>not</i> falling apart. God is just rearranging the puzzle pieces. Getting you in place for where He needs you to be in order to elevate you and take you higher up your path. </div>
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Trust me, I still have moments where I am just so overcome with hurt which turns to anger. I just don't understand how someone who <i>knows my heart</i> could act out such hurtful actions towards me, all while <i>knowing how much it hurts my heart. </i>But, I can hold my head high. Because I know I gave so much to someone. I cared and loved. I tried my best. It would be so easy to feel hatred towards them- but I can't. Instead my heart aches for that person. It prays for that person <i style="font-weight: bold;">daily. </i>It <i>still cares alot.</i></div>
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I am thankful for everything that I learned. The laughs, the tears, the memories made. I know my laughter and my voice will echo in the mind of that person. And that the love that my heart gave will never be forgotten. Who knows what the future holds. Only God knows the answer to that. </div>
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If you're feeling this way or even similar to this.. just hold on. Have HOPE. Don't give up just yet. God is about to move and rearrange and set you higher on your journey. Just let go. Let go of what is <i>not meant for you at this time.</i></div>
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A verse that I have clung to this past month is: </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Isaiah 43:18-19:</b> " But forget all of that- it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See! I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."</span></div>
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See you guys. God is so faithful. He will take care of you. He will heal all of your hurts. He will breathe new life into you. Let Him. </div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-17080932670385527292016-02-14T19:47:00.000-06:002016-02-14T20:09:08.615-06:00this love<div style="text-align: center;">
Majority of the day I've gone back and forth about writing this post. And I'm not sure why. </div>
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I knew church was going to be amazing this morning. My spirit was just telling me to prepare myself. We weren't even done with worship and I was already in tears. I heard these words spoken over the music, "No matter what, God loves you. When you are at your absolute worst that is when He loves you the most. People walk away, doors close, you lose a job, everything seems like it's falling apart, but God is standing there with His arms wide open just waiting to wrap them around you..." I knew this service was about to be something else. </div>
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And I was right. </div>
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Pretty positive I cried the entire time. </div>
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And, of course, the topic was love and relationships. But not just your normal topic on it...it was different. </div>
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Automatically words were just sticking out and causing the tears to fall harder. </div>
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Clearly, <i>we can't give what we haven't received.</i> Without receiving God's love we can't love others correctly. In order to love others correctly, and to be a light in this love broken world, we have to go back to the origin of love...and that's God. </div>
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You see, we get access to an unfailing and uncommon love in this crazy broken world. We <i>need</i> that in order to love others in this broken world. A world that looks at relationships as a joke. Instead of relationships we are having "situationships"...it is so dang sad. </div>
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We go from being friends to being something more for many many months but never actually committing to that other person. We have people who care and work for a relationship while the other person is still swiping away and seeing the other as an option. People who just keep a person around because it's convenient. Building more and more walls around their heart as each day passes. Becoming more and more cold and turned away from genuine people. It's a sad story. And as long as that sad story continues on, situationships are going to stick around. </div>
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But yet we go around retweeting 1 Corinthians 13 and quotes about what we deserve and what kind of love to stay away from..and its BOGUS. It's so bogus and stupid. Because if we're actually believing the 1 Corinthians 13 tweet that we are retweeting....we would be acting a whole lot different than how we are acting. </div>
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Let me break this down:</div>
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"Love is <b>patient</b>, love is <b>kind</b>, It <b>does not envy</b>, it <b>does not boast</b>, it is <b>not proud</b>. It <b>does not dishonor others</b>, it is <b>not self-seeking</b>, it is<b> not easily angered</b>, it<b><i> keeps no record of wrongs</i></b>. Love <b>does not delight in evil but<i> rejoices</i> with the truth</b>. It<b> always protects</b>, <b>always trusts</b>, <b>always hopes</b>, <b>always perseveres</b>. <b>Love never fails</b>."</div>
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Agape love never fails. Unconditional, unfailing, never ending, always there no matter what, kinda love never fails. This "love" we portray today isn't even close to that. </div>
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People walking away without saying a word, people going behind their "significant" other's back and cheating on them with someone else, people continually returning to toxic ex's because they are brainwashed that they can't do any better than that, people who feel so unworthy of having someone who actually cares about them...so many different scenarios. IT IS SO SAD. I am over this worldly love and the actions that come with it.<br />
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Pastor Dino said something today that hit me really hard. He said " It's later than we think it is," You guys, we don't have much time with the ones we care about left. We are left wishing for one more day, one more hug, one more chance to tell them how much we care about them. It's heartbreaking really. Life can change in the blink of an eye. Make sure they know how your heart feels about them.</div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">If we don't express the love, someone else will express it to those that are important to us. </span></i></b></div>
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Is that really what we want? </div>
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Take a moment. </div>
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Think about the people in your life. Think about the person who has been there for you day in and day out. The person and people who have put up with your moods, the people who rejoice with you when you're happy, and they are sad when you are sad. Think about them. Think about their smile and how their face looks when they are talking about something that really makes them happy. Think about their laugh. Look and see how they treat others. Think about their heart. Think about the last time you hugged them. Think about the last time you were in this person's presence...</div>
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now, do you really want someone else to express care and love to them because you didn't? Does this person truly know that you care? <i>And I am speaking for myself here too, you guys. There's people in my life that I don't express how much I truly do care and love them. We all fall short. </i></div>
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We all really do fall short. And that is okay as long as we know how to restart that. How to show God's love and to love how were are suppose to. The uncommon love of today. </div>
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So, Pastor D gave us five ways to show this love:</div>
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<b>say it</b></div>
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<b>write it</b></div>
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<b>give it</b></div>
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<b>forgive it</b></div>
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<b>live it</b></div>
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Pretty sure that say it and write/text it is where the flood gates opened. Even the give it. </div>
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I am just so sad that there is this amazing love out there that gives us the ability to love others the way God has intended for us to love, and <i><b>yet we choose the world's way</b></i>. We<b> never ever truly heal, we never ever truly love</b>. We <i>give up</i>. We stop when things get hard or opinions are voiced. We are afraid of what people will think and say. But yet, we still choose the world's way of loving others. </div>
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I don't know about you guys, but I am making a promise to myself and a commitment to God to love in a way that is only available when we accept and receive God's uncommon love. </div>
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Pastor D left us with a quote that I've always heard but never truly thought about in depth, until today. I hope it maybe strikes something in you.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>"Sometimes, you will never know the value of something, until it becomes a memory." -Dr. Seuss</i></b></span></div>
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If you'd like to watch this message, here is the link:</div>
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<a href="https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/uncommon-love" target="_blank">Uncommon Love Part 1</a></div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-78465968981710305062016-02-05T21:10:00.002-06:002016-02-05T21:16:54.783-06:00Yet beautiful...<div style="text-align: center;">
Instead of typing out all of the things that were boiling in me and that I wanted to just say and not care if they were hurtful, <i>I chose not to. <b>Because that's not my heart</b>. <b>My heart has nothing but good intentions.</b> Those words aren't who I am or who that person is. Those words won't make a difference. Those words would only cause destruction and hurt. Those words would linger in my mind with regret. Those words weren't worth wasting my breath. </i></div>
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In times of frustration and hurt, we are faced with two options; to say what we are feeling in that moment <i>or</i> to take a deep breath and know we shouldn't always say what we are feeling. Anger brings feelings of lies. Anger brings words that are hurtful. You can apologize all you want, but you cannot take the words back. They haunt. </div>
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Maybe you got let go from a job, maybe a friend betrayed you and just hurt you more than you thought possible, or maybe someone woke up one morning and decided they didn't want to be with you or even worse, they knew they didn't want to be with you but they continued to stay...whatever it was or is, <i><b>it's okay.</b></i></div>
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In the hurt you feel, in the anger that boils in you, <b>God is working</b>. <b>God is doing something</b>.</div>
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<b>God is taking care of it all.</b> </div>
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Aligning up your path to His so you can walk out what He has planned. </div>
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It hurts, I know. It hurts so bad. And you think the hurt won't be leaving anytime soon. You replay scenarios over and over and over again in your mind- wondering what you could have done differently. Dissecting every single word that was spoken...just looking for meaning in each one. But you're not going to find meaning in the words. You won't find any answers at all. A lot of times in life we will never get answers for certain situations. You just have to accept that. You have to just trust God and who He is and know He has a plan for you. </div>
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Put the phone down. Get off of Instagram and Facebook and Snapchat. Stop constantly refreshing just looking for a sign of life. Just stop. Press into God. Spend time with Him and just let Him give you peace and guidance for the situation.</div>
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<b>He is the only one who can take away your hurt. He is the only one that will comfort you when all you receive is silence. He is the only one that will be there when you lose people. </b></div>
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<b>He IS the ONLY. </b></div>
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Whatever battle you are facing today, I am praying for you. I myself am facing a battle, but with encouragement and prayers and spending time with God, I am full of peace. I know that I am on the path He wants me on. I know that all of this is coming together <i>for my good. <b>For His glory. </b></i></div>
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Don't be discouraged. Remind yourself that these struggles and pains have a purpose! That God is using them in your life to promote you! He is taking away the good and replacing it with <b>the great.</b> Trust. </div>
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Your worth is not defined on that relationship, that friendship, or that job. Your worth has nothing to do with why that person walked away. You have meaning. You have purpose. There is better coming. </div>
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Don't let the bitterness that the enemy provides for you, get used. Know your heart. Know what's in your heart. Evaluate it. If your heart is full of kindness, then let the kindness flow. (Stand up for yourself, of course, but that doesn't require ugliness.)</div>
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<b>There is so much joy in these circumstances you are facing... </b><i>The Lord is with you each and every step of the way.</i> </div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">Lord, You have saved me from the empty things I use to chase. </span></i></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxVOjW394ZtMlwKdxy2t1kVsLgIG4SFM2R_Ptlu1yIjqwWNP2OgcNTR6Uv2TdiTw7MVltEFogr4ueyZaeXArjhXcYFisAPXKzo2KZ3VrPc4CU2_IVQIoFp1MNj9vx9-BoBXXnwFWIIr08/s1600/IMG_5395.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxVOjW394ZtMlwKdxy2t1kVsLgIG4SFM2R_Ptlu1yIjqwWNP2OgcNTR6Uv2TdiTw7MVltEFogr4ueyZaeXArjhXcYFisAPXKzo2KZ3VrPc4CU2_IVQIoFp1MNj9vx9-BoBXXnwFWIIr08/s640/IMG_5395.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<b><i>"and perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness, yet become something beautiful." </i></b></div>
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{ credits: Sarah McCallister }</div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-9807167498618822452016-01-26T16:12:00.000-06:002016-01-26T16:23:22.245-06:00His<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Not good enough.</span></div>
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<b>You're not good enough.</b></div>
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<i>While your list of abilities is impressive, we've found someone who better fits our needs...aka You're not good enough.</i></div>
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You're not good enough.</div>
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These 4 words. </div>
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They haunt us.</div>
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They eat their way into our brains and continually replay themselves over and over and over again.</div>
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Making you believe them.</div>
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Turning situations into what they're not. </div>
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I know I've heard them...many times. Have you? How did you feel? How do you feel when you think about those words?</div>
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I'm pretty sure I've heard those 4 words more in the last month than I have in my life.</div>
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Applying for jobs after graduation...application after application....it's either silence received or "while you're very impressive, we've found someone else to fit our needs.."...YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. </div>
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These words. </div>
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Once you are told this, you never forget it. </div>
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While you may think you've forgotten it and you think you <i>are good enough,</i> one day a situation arises and these thoughts start producing other thoughts in your mind. Whether it's not getting invited to a social gathering with friends, or not being asked to be apart of an event, not getting a job, not getting what you think you deserve, someone else being chosen over you.... these simple little things are turned and twisted into something totally different. And we react. We react in ways we never thought were possible for ourselves. We jump to conclusions, we say things hastily. We get hot and our heart races and we just want to scream or cry....or both.<br />
<i>It's discouraging. It hurts. It's a feeling only the worst words can describe. It's raw.</i></div>
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These 4 words have power. </div>
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If we believe them long enough, they will have power over us.</div>
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<i>They will destroy us.</i> </div>
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But, if we remind ourselves of <b>who we are and whose we are ,</b> well,<b> </b>that's the game changer. </div>
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<b>God says we are HIS.</b></div>
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We were made in HIS image. </div>
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We were hand woven. We were made specifically for a purpose.</div>
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We were each made unique.</div>
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We were each made with flaws. Flaws that make us beautiful.</div>
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The enemy will be the one who uses those 4 words to destroy you. </div>
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<b>BUT, we have God's word to remind us of how worthy and good we truly are...</b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"I am born of God, and the evil one does not touch me" -<b>1 John 5:18</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"I have the Greater One living in me; greater is He Who is in me than he who is in the world"</span></div>
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<span style="background-image: url("/Assets/Images/externalLinkIMG.png"); background-position: 100% 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; padding-right: 14px;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">1 John 4:4</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-image: url("/Assets/Images/externalLinkIMG.png"); background-position: 100% 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; padding-right: 14px;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"I am God’s workmanship, created in Christ unto good works" -<span style="background-image: url("/Assets/Images/externalLinkIMG.png"); background-position: 100% 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; padding-right: 14px;"><b>Ephesians 2:10</b></span></span></div>
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<i><b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></i></div>
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<i><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">And when you have a past that haunts you, remember this:</span></b></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I am a new creature in Christ -<span style="background-image: url("/Assets/Images/externalLinkIMG.png"); background-position: 100% 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; padding-right: 14px;"><b>2 Corinthians 5:17</b></span></span></div>
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When those words creep in and you feel uneasy, you CAN overcome.</div>
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The world does not define you. The world may tell you that you're not good enough, but the world's opinions do not matter. </div>
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The God who placed the stars in the sky and knows them all, created YOU. He loves you. He wants you. </div>
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You are HIS.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">You are good enough.</span></b></div>
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<b>I am the daughter of a</b> <b>KING</b></div>
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Who is not moved by the world</div>
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For my God is WITH ME &</div>
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Goes BEFORE ME</div>
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I do NOT FEAR</div>
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<i>Because I AM</i></div>
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<b>HIS</b></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKxiPlhrfI_ZFq5OrTT4FONF_unsc7G6Jj-EX3hDn_z-sfF1fdRNlz_YexpvAPcur9ihPi7QK0V7bFQFEe4MS-sdHa2cdbVmKzYAQ22WdcN-N8WLkVScGTD8rX7PNl3G6BkzT7mxSQWLg/s1600/IMG_5407.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKxiPlhrfI_ZFq5OrTT4FONF_unsc7G6Jj-EX3hDn_z-sfF1fdRNlz_YexpvAPcur9ihPi7QK0V7bFQFEe4MS-sdHa2cdbVmKzYAQ22WdcN-N8WLkVScGTD8rX7PNl3G6BkzT7mxSQWLg/s640/IMG_5407.JPG" width="426" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo Credits: Sarah McCallister</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-74864402854205162832016-01-16T21:50:00.000-06:002016-01-16T22:01:12.875-06:00But God...<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, what do you do when you're just not your "normal" self? And by normal, I mean, the <i>you that feels good. The you that has thoughts that add to the quality of your life. The you who doesn't live in constant fear. The you who can breathe. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For the past week, I have lived in constant fear. A constant fear that makes me sick. When a daily drive home took a turn for the worst, I also took a turn. I literally live in a constant fear full of anxiety. Someone leaves the house and I am overcome with anxiety. Me driving all the back roads avoiding the interstate to get where I am going, still full of anxiety. They say the odds of getting hit by an 18 wheeler again are slim to none...but tell that to the guy who was struck like 9 different times by lightening...(Yes, its in the Guinness book for 2015). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You see, I now have a feeling of what goes through someone's mind right before they die. After getting hit and my car spinning down the interstate, I looked up and all I could see was the concrete wall and I just knew that was it. I just knew it was about to happen. I was going to die. And the person on the other end of the phone was listening and would be haunted forever. But God...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But God.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But God. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But God. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But God stopped my car from hitting that wall. With just enough room between the car and the wall to squeeze out of the passenger door of my car. God had His angels and hands around me as that 18 wheeler was pushing me t-bone style down the interstate. God was directing my car as it was spinning through the </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">6: 25pm traffic on the interstate and cars where dodging me. God. God. God. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You guys. I'm not really sure I can find the words to tell you what my heart feels now...what my heart wants to say. I just can't find the words. I don't think the word Thankful even touches what I want to say. But thankful, I am.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I feel like mentally and emotionally I should be better by now. One week later. It shouldn't bother me to be behind the wheel. It shouldn't bother me to pass an 18 wheeler. It shouldn't bother me. But <i>it terrifies me. Terrifies me.</i> I can't breathe. My heart stops and then races uncontrollably. Tears stream without me even realizing it. Loud noises bring me to a halt. I stop breathing and start sweating. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Then I have to remind myself that <i>I am okay. I am safe. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>I feel like an annoyance to others. I feel like they think I am being dramatic. </i>I want to say "well, you try being hit by an 18 wheeler twice, and then having it push you down the interstate and all you can see is the grill of the 18 wheeler, and then your car sliding down the side of the 18 wheeler, and then spinning across lanes of traffic and all you see is that a concrete wall is what is going to stop the car."...But, I would never ever want that for anyone...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The fact of the matter is, is that I am going to have to take my time. And by that, I don't mean months and months and years. I mean just some time. Some time to really grasp that I have to keep living life and having quality thoughts. I can't live in constant fear of it happening again. I can't keep not doing things I want to do because I am terrified of driving on the interstate. <i>I mean, I could, but then I would only be making myself miserable and missing out on so much. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It occurred to me that night when I finally grasped what really happened, that God isn't done with me yet. <b>I still have a purpose</b>. I still have a path to walk out the plan that He has for my life. I am still breathing. I am not hurt. I am healthy. I am wanted. And I am loved. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I think many of us can relate to this. There is something in our lives that we are scared of. Something that we let hinder us. Life wasn't meant for us to live it like that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Just remember that <i>God isn't done with YOU yet. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HE has a <b>plan for you.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Take your time healing. Take your time facing what you fear. There's not a timeline to be okay. The people who care and love you, will be there with you. They will understand and they will do what they can to encourage and help. I am so thankful I have people like that in my life. Patient, understanding, and loving. </span></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">God didn't bring you this far to abandon you.</span></i></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When I am afraid, I will trust in you. -Psalm 56:3</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRk2YgA1S2ZlCn1NhB_sB5rYtrLjonZM-cjB53NZmifufmqFKzKQI9wUn4tEMf_ys3-Ytv-sCvgRErVWfESPJv6vq8f36e4pyKaan3MqzSGwhtKgCmhAwGD-yL0gT8uMlYShonQbIA2pU/s1600/IMG_5383.JPG" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRk2YgA1S2ZlCn1NhB_sB5rYtrLjonZM-cjB53NZmifufmqFKzKQI9wUn4tEMf_ys3-Ytv-sCvgRErVWfESPJv6vq8f36e4pyKaan3MqzSGwhtKgCmhAwGD-yL0gT8uMlYShonQbIA2pU/s640/IMG_5383.JPG" width="640" /></a></span></b></div>
Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-78996525022289903522015-10-25T18:40:00.001-05:002015-10-25T19:20:00.035-05:00always hopes and perseveres<div style="text-align: center;">
Has your world shifted lately? Could be a big shift, a little shift...any size of shift. Either way, it's a shift. And when our worlds shift, it's uneasy, it's weird, it's hard, it's sad, it's exciting. I am sure the list could go on. Shifts in our world means that God is just working in your life. </div>
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My world has shifted. Right now, it seems like a gigantic shift. A shift that I can't quite grab hold of. <i>Right when I feel like I catch my footing, I fall back down. I get back up, only to fall back down again</i>. My world has shifted before, many many many many many times.<b><i> But this shift is different.</i></b> I can't tell you how or why. But I can tell you that it just, it's different. My heart is aching a different ache than it's ever experienced. I'm not sure what ache this is or why it's different. But it's different. None like before. And I think that is why this seems so huge and just like I can't get my grip...all while reminding myself multiple times a day to breathe. Constantly trying to smile when I feel the tears coming. And always shooting down the thoughts that try to creep into my mind. Not so great yet, but I'm working on it. I don't know what is going to happen. I have hope.</div>
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I think the biggest thing for me is that,<i> I am scared</i>. There are so many things going on in my life right now. I graduate college in almost a month exactly. I really honestly have no clue what I want to do. My classes this semester are so overwhelming. But somehow I have come back from the pits and have been taking care of business in them. I just have so many changes that are coming. I am soon to enter a new phase of life and the people I want with me, may not go with me into that phase...and it breaks my heart. Now my heart has hurt before. All of our hearts have hurt at one point or another in our lives. But this is the pain that you can feel. You feel it in your chest and your mind, and you have to catch your breath. It's a scary pain. I never thought that I'd be where I am today at 26 years old. Not even in the same book. I always imagined I'd be married with babies by now. But God had other plans for me, and that my friends, <i>I am so thankful for.</i> But that is what is the scariest of all. I have no idea where my life is going, or <i>what God is doing.</i> My little heart is so confused and <i>it just wants to have that familiar hug that it's come to find comfort in. But it can't have that hug. </i></div>
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<b style="font-size: x-large;">God will definitely turn your world upside down and all around in order to fit the puzzle piece in.</b><i style="font-size: x-large;"> </i></div>
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He's working in <i>my </i>heart, and He is working in <i>your heart.</i>I believe that 100 percent. No doubt about it. I know He is. And I know that this work that's being done in our hearts is just to set up for things to come. To take the hurt that's been held onto, and to heal it. To refresh your mind and your soul. To give you rest and peace. To make you feel complete again and able to open up. What's in the past is in the past. People in the past, stay in the past. We learn from the past. We figure out who we want, what we want, and then we stick to that because <i>we know.</i> Confusion will come but....</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>I've learned recently to not make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings, temporary emotions, and temporary changes. Prayer is what you should do when those temporary things crawl into your mind and your heart. God is the <b>only </b>one that can bring clarity and direction.</i></span></div>
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I'm not really sure how this phase of life I am in is going to end and enter into the new phase. I don't know who is going to be with me and who will have to stay in my heart only. All I know is that I have loved in this phase. </div>
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If you're reading this, I hope you're in my next phase. I hope that you're one of the people I get to share my heart with. My struggles, my excitement, my fear, my love,. my laughs and my tears, my life...I want to share that with you. And, if you're not in my next phase, just know that there will<i> always </i>be a place in my heart that is <i>only for you.</i> My heart and my soul have smiled bigger than they ever have. I have laughed harder than I ever have and I was fearless. Adventures were made wherever life was that day. And my memories are stored in my heart. I have loved with my whole heart. For the first time in my life, I was actually living for the day and that, I am <i>thankful </i>for.</div>
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Friends, just remember that when your world is rocked and shifted, to just hold on tight.<b><i> Hold on to God's promises</i></b>. HE is what and who will keep you steady. Things may look hopeless now or like they can't be fixed...but <i>they can be!</i><b><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></b></div>
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<b>Restored and renewed. </b><br />
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<b>No matter what happens in your life, never stop loving. </b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i> Remember, love always hopes and always perseveres.</i></span><br />
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-43634877394798819562015-10-22T21:33:00.000-05:002015-10-22T21:33:25.573-05:00Let them know<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm not really sure where to begin. All I know is that life isn't fair. And that unfair things happen to people. And what is really sad, is that people don't think about what happens when they make certain decisions. Why? Because they only think about themselves. They don't think about the other person involved, they don't think about those around them. But that's okay because we are human. We, are our first priority. </div>
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I've learned in the years that actions truly do speak louder than words. </div>
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I've learned that my heart is in fact, going to hurt. And tears will come. </div>
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I've learned that not everyone who says they will be there, are there. </div>
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And I've learned that some people may not be the best at explaining emotion or helping others understand something, and that's okay. </div>
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Let's just say that, my heart is hurting. And nothing is really making it feel better. I'm not really sure how people can just close a door that you've been standing in. Just patiently, so very patiently, waiting in. Sometimes I think that the heart God gave me was meant for someone else. How <i>can I, of all people, deal with things that are in my path? </i>I look back at trials and struggles before, and remember so vividly how I felt during those times. But this, this is a different feeling. It's a feeling that's so wrong and so scary. Life really does pass us by so quickly. And I've learned that people aren't in your life forever. So to really appreciate the people that are in your life, <i>while they are in your life.</i> To realize that <i>it is okay to be cared for. It is okay to let people love you and be there for you. </i>Even if that's something you're not very used to. Or if it's just been so long since you've had people like that in your life... it's okay to be afraid. But don't let your fear drive you away from something that is good. </div>
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As I sit here on my bed, a big t shirt, a messy ponytail, and tears streaming down my face uncontrollably, I am just overwhelmed. So much emotion, so much fear, and so much hope. There is so much to be thankful for and so many reasons to smile, but yet tonight, my heart is choosing to let some tears out. Confusion isn't something I would wish on anyone. It's not a good feeling, it's a state of numbness,..that's what I believe confusion is, You think one thing but yet it's not that...it's something completely different and it just leaves you in a state of numbness. Just know that God is <i>not</i> the author of confusion. We don't always get answers we ask for, but we do get the answers that He wants us to have. I am thankful. My heart is thankful. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Tonight, before you go to sleep, make sure the people that you <i>care about, </i><b><i>know that you care.</i></b> </span></div>
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Whether it's a simple hug or a goodnight text.</div>
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<i> I don't care if you are angry with them, or not speaking, or laying right next to them..just make sure they know...because you never know if their tomorrow or your tomorrow is guaranteed. </i></div>
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And a life full of regret is not a life you want. </div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-86708837941148071912015-10-12T12:10:00.001-05:002015-10-12T12:17:23.188-05:00What I want<div style="text-align: center;">
I turned 26 on Saturday. 26. . </div>
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Here lately, I've really taken a step back and evaluated my life. Who I am, who I feel God created me to be. Where I'm going, what I was made to do. </div>
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I wasn't made to be a people pleaser.</div>
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I wasn't made to live my life according to other's opinions.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I was made to love.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I was made to be a light. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I was made to share my heart.</span></div>
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But sometimes, like usual with life, our actions don't match up to our hearts. We feel one way but act a different way. Afraid of being judged by the world. Afraid of not being accepted. Afraid that we might mess up. Stumble over our words, forget our purpose. You name it, we will find a way to be afraid of it. </div>
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I've realized that my heart is big. I've felt emotion my whole entire life. I've always been an emotional person. But lately, I was doubting some things. Like <i>is it a bad thing that I feel things so strongly? Is it a bad thing that when I love others, I really love them? </i>Or how about this one: <i>does God really have a purpose for how my heart feels and reacts and yearns? </i> No, no, and yes, Those are my answers. </div>
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So this is what I've come to...</div>
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I want my heart to be beautiful. So beautiful. That when people look at me, they actually<i> see </i>a beautiful heart. A heart that is so in love with it's creator. The creator of the universe. The One that knows all the stars in the skies and each strand of hair on my head. The One who intricately wove me together. The One who placed my passions in my heart. My fears, The One who loves me..forever and always. I want <i>my heart to be beautiful because others see God's light.They see His love. </i></div>
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I want them to see that my heart cries for others who are not as fortunate as me.</div>
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I want them to see the love....</div>
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For the hurting, and the healed. </div>
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For the ones who are alone. Feeling so forsaken. </div>
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For the ones who are so totally confused about who they are...because the world has told them to be a certain way or they won't be accepted. </div>
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For the ones who have no idea <i>what </i>God is doing in their lives but that they know there is a blessing coming after the storm they are walking through. </div>
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**<i>I don't want these things to show to others to be like "hey look at me"..</i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">I want these things to show, because they can start a fire in someone else's heart. To strike a chord that reveals a passion they didn't realize they had. </span></i></div>
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I just want love to radiate from my heart. The mornings that I wake up and my mood isn't exactly great, and I want to be rude to my mother, my sister, or someone dear to me- I want to make the decision to <i>change that..</i>I can't show love through a bad attitude. </div>
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When you see a beautiful heart, a beautiful soul...you don't ever forget it. </div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">The light that radiates off of love is intoxicating.</span></i></div>
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<i>I want to seek God continually. Never ever stopping. I want to be full of HIS love. <span style="font-size: large;"> </span></i></div>
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I have a feeling that my 26th year is going to be a year of unexpected. A year where I am put in even more awe and astonishment of my God. Life will change this year.. how do I know? Well, every year, <i>life changes.</i> Every day it changes. But God doesn't. He <i>never </i>changes. He's steady and constant...unlike the world today.<br />
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The past year, I have watched God take things from ashes and make them beautiful. I have stood there banging on doors that <i>He closed </i>only to finally realize that they were closed for a reason. I've watched plans unfold on my journey just in the last year. I've lost ones I loved and I've gained people to love. It was a pretty amazing year. </div>
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My goal for my 26th year is to become more of the woman God created me to be and intended for me to be. To find my purpose. I want to become more and more like the Proverbs 31 woman.<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;"> I want my heart to show God's love.</span></b> </div>
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So,</div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">Welcome to my year of discovering. </span></i></div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-59090076276035850442015-08-19T22:01:00.004-05:002015-08-19T22:01:47.336-05:00it's like a summer storm..<div style="text-align: center;">
Anxiety.</div>
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It't not a joke, it's not just some excuse..it's real and it's a battle.</div>
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Around this time last year, or a few weeks off, I decided to share and talk about my battle with depression. It wasn't easy, at all. But it's something that I know I don't face alone. </div>
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<i>If you haven't read that post, you can read it <a href="http://heartsprepared.blogspot.com/2014/09/its-like-diabetesyou-cant-see-it-but.html" target="_blank">here</a></i></div>
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Since that post it has been a rollercoaster of a battle. Somedays I am great and other days I am not so great. I chose the route and got off my medication for it..I really believed that it was something I could learn to overcome. With time it has gotten easier but there are still some days. </div>
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Along with depression came anxiety. I never really realized it. </div>
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In the last several months my anxiety has been something out of this world. Thankfully, I have a great support system of people who listen, who care, and who love me. These people are patient with me. I know when I send 7 texts in a row with my thoughts that they may be <i>slightly</i> irritated, but they don't let that affect how they respond. I am thankful for this. I am thankful for them.</div>
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Anxiety is an evil thing. It can ruin many many things..friendships, relationships, daily life..the quality of life. It rules your thoughts and your emotions. It's like a summer storm almost. Creeps up unexpectedly and BAM hits hard, does some damage and then rolls on out like it was nothing...<i>only to return later.</i></div>
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Simple statements spoken by someone get super twisted and turn into something so negative, when it wasn't a negative statement to begin with. Anxiety makes your mind feel crazy..out of sorts. It makes you feel <i>not normal..like there is something wrong with you. </i></div>
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Many times I think to myself, <i>why can't I just be normal? Why do I have to live in constant fear? In an uncomfortable state of being? </i> Constantly wondering if that next text message that comes through is the end all of something. Or that phone call is just bad news waiting to be dropped on you. Anxiety brings such a negative style to your life. And you want to be positive. You want to be happy and feel free and relieved of it. But it just comes back. Your mind plays tricks on you. Makes you think things that were never even thought up in the situation at hand. It's rough. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. -proverbs 12:25</span></div>
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Thankfully, I'm not alone in this. A very close friend of mine struggles with anxiety too..and it's always so comforting to have each other to text or call. We've sat and talked on the phone forever about some tiny little thing that wasn't anything at all, but my mind made it a big deal and turned it into a volcano. She patiently sits and listens and then helps me back down off of that thought. And vice versa with her texting me or calling me to help her. And in all of this helping one another I've realized that <i>anxiety is something I can overcome. Something that she can overcome. Something that <b>you</b> can overcome. </i>I'll give her words of advice and it's almost like something clicks for not only her but for me as well. <i>If only I would listen to myself. </i></div>
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We have it in us to beat this. I fully trust that we do. It's just <i>how badly do you want to beat it? How badly do you want to be able to change that thought process when it starts? </i></div>
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It's gotten to the point where when I feel anxiety creeping in and I feel my thought process starting to take a dive, I make it a point to try my best to stop it. I make it a point to take a deep breath and a step back and be rational. To look at whatever the situation or tiny thing it is and break it down...and to be logical and state the facts. And today for instance, she noticed that in a conversation we were having. <i>It felt so good to know that I am making progress. </i>Some days it'll be easy. Some days it will be really super super super tough. <i>But it's possible</i>. </div>
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<span class="verse-6" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: helvetica, arial;"><span style="line-height: 28px;"> </span></span><span class="verse-7" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: helvetica, arial;"><span style="line-height: 28px;">And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.- Philippians 4:6-7 </span></span></span></div>
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My relationship with The Lord has grown even more in these last few months. I'm so thankful that that is a relationship that doesn't have a limit. Doesn't have a "fill to" line. It just goes deeper and deeper and deeper. And I know that God has had His hand in this process. He steadies my crazy beating heart and He brings a calm and a peace when I start to feel anxious.</div>
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I know it's not easy living with someone who battles this. We wake up in constant fear. Fear of someone leaving us, fear of not being good enough, fear of someone changing their mind, fear of being hurt...fear of many many things. SO, I just want to say <i>thank you to the people who </i><b><i>choose me on a daily basis</i>.</b> Who choose to love me, support me, care for me, and to listen to me. Who choose to be a part of my life. Words will never be able to tell you how thankful I am for you guys.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> They will have no fear of bad news;
their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.-Psalm 112:7 </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo credits: Sarah McCallister </td></tr>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-26818902175754724572015-08-03T22:10:00.001-05:002015-08-03T22:20:21.962-05:00Did it even happen if..//<div style="text-align: center;">
I know I talk about it all the time..society and how messed up it is these days. But now I think I am going to open a whole different can of worms on an issue in society. Social Media. Okay, so. Don't get me wrong..the power that social media has is AMAZING. Amazing. From keeping in touch with friends, distant friends, relatives, etc. Connecting old classmates...meeting new people. Making new friends<i><b> (Shout out to my girl ABW in TX)</b></i> Basically, social media has overtaken society today and is being used at rapid speed. I'm thankful for it...being a military child I moved around alot and made many many friends...through the years we've stayed connected or even reconnected. Love it. </div>
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But there are many downfalls to social media. Many many downfalls. Some days I think we would be better off without it. Wouldn't be able to see who befriended whom on Facebook.. wouldn't see that your significant other liked some other boy/girls photos on Insta.. that's just the top of the list. You see, being so connected all the time and so aware of what is going on in people's lives..it's not good for us. Cool, yeah. Good? nah. </div>
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Putting a mold out there of how we should look. Pressure to be a certain size or wear a certain brand or to drive a certain vehicle. Taking a picture is more like getting ready for prom. Trying to make everything so perfect. When in reality...there is no perfect. People convey through their posts and pictures that they have this oh so tidy and perfect happy little life. When in all actuality, their life is just as crazy and hectic and messy as yours. Oh, and relationships. I didn't want to go here..but I am. Are you <i>even </i>in a relationship with that person if it's not posted on any of the following sites: Facebook, Instagram, and ofcourse...Twitter. The answer to that is..No. The guy must be hiding something. Or the girl must be hiding him. <i>BUT in REAL LIFE- who gives a mess if it's on social media?</i> Last time I checked a relationship is between those two people. NOT their followers on social media. I'm just a little over this...if you're catching on to that at all. </div>
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I'm so tired of scrolling Twitter only to see young girls today idolizing another girl their age and "wishing" she looked like her. Or taking on a new "challenge" to be like a celebrity..<i>Yes, I'm looking at you Kylie Jenner followers</i>. What happened to being yourself? <b><i>Being the person that God created you to be..the masterpiece that He carefully molded together.</i></b> What happened to being content in our own skin? What happened to genuine dating? What happened to keeping a relationship private and letting it grow and flourish without the outside opinions playing a part? I saw an article the other day about a girl who's boyfriend was proposing and she literally pulled out her phone to take a picture to Instagram....wait...WHAT? WHAT? Don't get me wrong...that is such an exciting moment and part of life. But that's like having a child and telling the Dr..<i>oh wait, let me take a picture before the baby comes fully out...</i>COME ON. We ruin some of life's greatest things and greatest moments so we can snap a picture. What is wrong with us? </div>
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<i>I'm so guilty of this</i>. So I'm talking to myself as I write this. It <i>really breaks my heart</i> that in certain areas of life, I don't feel confident in things because of the pressures that come from social media. Like, I can't believe I really just typed that out. I can't understand why that is true. Makes me so sad and so frustrated.</div>
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Remember, <i>it's easy to get caught up in it</i>. It's so easy to make everything seem so perfect. But behind the pictures the truth remains. And the<b> truth is</b>, that <i>God didn't create you intending for you to conform to the mold of this world. He didn't create you to constantly compare your life to someone else's</i>. Your journey is different from every single person's on this Earth. Certain things in life need privacy...let things grow how they should. Let's stop letting social media define our relationships, our lives, and especially who we are...<i><span style="font-size: large;">because you are worth so much more than letting society define you. </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">xoxo,</span></i></div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-6675265200452292562015-07-21T17:44:00.001-05:002015-07-21T17:44:39.455-05:00from the ashes<div style="text-align: center;">
I know life is hard. It's rough. It gets so tough. The only thing you feel you have energy left for is to just quit. Heck, you're not sure you even have the tiny bit of energy that it takes to quit. Life can suck.</div>
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Especially in the times when you're just questioning everything. Everything you've worked so hard for, everything that you know. When it all goes to shambles and you're just left standing, wondering what the heck is going on. How one day things are so normal and great and then the next morning you wake up and it all starts to go downhill. You never saw it coming. In these moments giving up is the most desirable thing. It's the one thing that is on <i>replay in your mind.</i> Over and over and over again, all you hear is <i>just quit. Nobody cares. Look at the mess in front of you. Just quit. You're never going to reach your goals and your dreams. <b>You're not good enough.</b></i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><i>You, will make a way</i></span></div>
<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Teach me now, to trust</div>
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To lift, my eyes again</div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
When all hope is dust</div>
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I am here today to just remind you that <i>you are good enough.</i> That <i>you can reach those goals and your dreams. </i>The messes of life get us down. I know. They beat you down until you feel like you just can't go anymore. Your mind, your heart, your soul, your body is weak. Tired. You mentally are done. But, <i>quitting</i> isn't the answer. It seems like your hope is gone. In ashes on the floor. Some of you may not even be sure about your faith anymore. Just so shaken and unsure. Unsure of what God is doing. Why is all of this happening? But, <i>are you remembering His promises? </i> Do you remember that in the times of trial and chaos and confusion, that He is molding you. He is building you. He is defining <i>your character.</i> </div>
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<b>He is preparing you</b>. </div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><i>You will breathe again</i></span></div>
<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Resurrect, these faults</div>
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And all your promises</div>
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I won't forget</div>
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You won't let me go</div>
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It may seem like this storm isn't passing anytime soon. <i>But it will pass. I promise you that. </i>There are days I just look back and think about the nights I would just lay in bed and cry. I'd cry for hours until I fell asleep. I was so confused. I was feeling abandoned by God. My heart was hurting. I didn't understand <i>why</i> I was walking through the storm I was walking through. I had to daily (multiple times a day) remind myself that there is purpose in the trial. </div>
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<a name='more'></a><span style="font-size: large;">That I was being prepared for <i>what</i> God was about to do in my life. I was being prepared for <i>who</i> He was about to bring into my life.</span><br />
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Each day got a little easier. It didn't feel like it at the time, but my heart could tell it was getting easier. Easier to let go of my past. To stop looking back at people that <i>had walked away from me. </i>To stop sulking <i>over the doors that closed because I had been bold enough to ask God to close the doors that weren't meant for me. </i>I had to literally pick my booty up and just say "Okay, God. Here I am." </div>
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For those of you reading this that just feel like giving up...all I can say is <b><i>don't.</i> </b>Don't quit on your dreams. <i>Look how far you have already come!! </i>Don't quit on God. He has placed you where you are for a reason. To touch lives and to impact others. To be a light for HIM. Endure these trials. Remember you <b>are not alone. </b>God is with you every step of the way. I just want to encourage you guys that are discouraged. I want you to know that giving up isn't an option for you right now. There's a task in front of you. A task that God has assigned. Know that <i>God will carry you when you can't go any further. He will wipe away those tears. HE will bring peace to your weary heart. And He will take away the fears you have. </i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><i>From the ashes</i></span></div>
<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
From the ashes,</div>
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You call my heart to love</div>
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Call my heart to love</div>
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From the silence</div>
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From the sadness</div>
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You call my heart to love</div>
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Call my heart to love</div>
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And I say all of that with 100% confidence. I watched it in my life. I didn't think that storm was ever going to end. I was weary beyond ends and I had quit. I was done. But God wasn't done with me. </div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Just like God isn't done with you</span>.</b></div>
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<b></b>If you need to cut some people out of your life for the time being, do it. There's no room for negativity. There's no time to be around people who bring you down...Who basically are a part of destroying your dreams and goals. You need some days off to recoup and just get your mind and heart right? DO IT. And do all of this <i>without feeling guilty. </i></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Because those who support you and are really <b>for you</b> will not ever walk away from you.</span> </div>
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They will not discourage you- they will <i>encourage</i> you. </div>
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And they will love and care for you..no matter what. </div>
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Keep pushing through. </div>
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This verse is one I have clung to...hope it encourages you!</div>
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<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">{ But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold. } </span>-job 23:10</span></div>
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<i>***There's a song I've had on repeat several times and it helped bring so much hope to my soul... and on days when I am feeling down and discouraged I turn it on. "ashes" by Mia Fieldes (credit for the lyrics on this page**)</i></div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-29210906038867248802015-07-10T22:17:00.003-05:002015-07-10T22:26:03.045-05:00Swipe left or right?<div style="text-align: center;">
I am so disgusted. Let me just be real. </div>
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So here I am, on a Friday night, just wasting time and trying to make myself sleepy. I come across a familiar face and saw that this picture was from "LuLu"..whatever that may be. So, I download the app to see what it's about. What I found was something I wish I never knew existed.... Are we <i>really</i> to the point of publicly rating people? How great they are in the bedroom? How sketchy they are? How great the "hook up" was... COME ON. Last time I checked the bedroom was something that was suppose to be private...</div>
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Broke my little heart. </div>
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I am so disappointed and disgusted with today's society and people. People in general. How they go about dating. How they go about loving others. I'm just not sure where we are all headed. But I can tell you it's not happily ever after. It's fighting and divorce and ungodly marriages and relationships. </div>
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I'm speechless. Between tinder, this lulu crap, and all the other "dating" apps & sites there are... there is no hope..no hope for me or for you. I'm not into that one night stand or the <i>"I'll call you when I want you to be in my bed" </i>type of deal. It's not okay. For some-it's perfectly wonderful. Have fun with that. One day you'll wake up and wonder why you feel so empty and so violated...so alone. Just turn on your phone and you'll see why. And yes, before we go any further- I participated in the tinder fad.. but quickly deleted it. And I definitely didn't have the app for sex..Let's get that straight.</div>
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So here's the thing. And what I'm about to say my upset some of you-- if so, I'm <i>not</i> sorry....</div>
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where are MEN these days? When I look around All I see are boys. Boys who can't commit. Boys who would rather play games. Boys who have someone so great in their lives but keep her on the side just in case another dime piece comes along. BOYS who keep these sorry apps. Boys who want respect but their actions are a far cry from respect. </div>
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BUT where are the WOMEN? Ladies, we've got to pull our part too. We can't walk around here thinking these males need to grow up and man up..when you yourself are running around with a different guy each week. You can't expect any man to respect you when you don't give him anything to respect...I mean let's be real here. </div>
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<i>****Side note: there ARE great, amazing, men and women out there. This post is just based on society and the population..and all these articles that are being posted daily with "dating advice"..</i></div>
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SO what happened? And what happens now? What happens next? </div>
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For starters, grow up. Man up. Woman up. Delete those stupid stupid apps...<i>especially if you have a significant other. </i>That's crappy of you.</div>
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In a relationship? SHAME ON YOU. STAY OFF those things. Remember, your eyes are the windows to your soul and your heart. Be careful. </div>
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Not in a relationship? GET OFF YOUR BUTT and go meet people in PERSON. Guys, take someone on a date. Girls, GO ON A REAL DATE.<br />
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Listen, if you like someone, go for it. Pursue that person. Find out if you want to keep pursuing them. But don't be half in.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I know I don't really want someone who half way wants to be in my life. They are here but they've got one foot out the door.</span><br />
Where's the sincerity in that? It's like they were already planning to leave. Please, walk on out if that's the plan. Don't settle and allow that in your lives people!</div>
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I am just so heated and amazed right now. At the rate we are all going, none of us are going to get married. Select few, yes. But all the rest... just going to keep swiping and rating and living "fun", I mean miserable, lives. </div>
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Gotta say, I'm swiping left on this topic. </div>
<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-72220479680379661132015-06-09T12:34:00.001-05:002015-06-09T12:52:00.597-05:00without fear//<div style="text-align: center;">
There I was 40 minutes later, in Auburn. Wearing my favorite under armour shorts and a XL rays t shirt. My makeup was pretty set in on my face from church that morning and my hair had its soft waves from the curls that morning. <i>I can't do this. I don't know these people. What if they don't like me? This is going to be a waste of time because I'm just going to not even come back. </i>My phone vibrated and it was K.. her exact texts were:</div>
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<i>"you turning around and going home is letting your negativity and doubt win. Go to small group. Life was not made for us to go through alone Meg. Go in, be transparent, LET THEM LOVE YOU. Let them love you dang it. They are great"</i></div>
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SO..what did I do? I listened to her...<i>as usual. </i> The next two and a half hours were nothing but refreshing. Here I was, with about 20 girls I have never laid eyes on or spoken to. Young women from all different walks of life. And all in different stages of life. But the one thing we all had in common was that <i>we aren't alone.</i> It was so comforting to hear that each girl was walking through a struggle. </div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">It made me feel less crazy and more normal. Whatever normal is. </span></i></div>
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I left with a feeling of....well I'm not sure. I felt good. I felt like I wasn't sure what God's purpose was for me there but by the end of the night I knew <i>there was a purpose</i>. </div>
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Fast forward 24 hours. As I'm dozing off in bed, K texted me again with a song to listen to. Then as we got to talking she shared somethings she had gotten from her small group that night and it was just what I needed. I'm so distracted with the idea that I <i>do not deserve love. </i> That I'm not worthy of letting anyone love me. I put up barriers so that I won't be hurt. This is my way of thinking: letting someone love me leads to hurt. Right? No, WRONG. I try to "sabotage" every thing that comes my way because I don't think I deserve it. How heartbreaking is that? I mean really? That's probably more heartbreaking than most things. To see someone who doesn't think they are <i>worthy of love. </i> </div>
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Out of this rises insecurities. Insecurities that you don't even know are there. Insecurities that I never even thought about. And it's scary because I'm such a confident person. I know who I am and what I deserve and what I want. But when I let my mind get to thinking and overthinking, that all is broken down and the thoughts of being undeserving arise. <b>Maybe this comes from the sorry people from before who didn't know how to love others. </b><br />
<i>Please tell me I'm not the only one that this happens too.</i></div>
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It just blows my mind.<i> It's like I fail to remember that God's love is perfect. And that perfect love casts out all fear. </i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">There is <b>no fear in God's perfect love.</b> </span></i></div>
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I've made a decision to remind myself of this daily. I can't be afraid that I'm undeserving of love from anyone. I can't be afraid to let people into my life. I <i>know</i> I can't go through this life alone. And I also know that God's word says that I am so so so deserving of good. I am deserving of friendships full of God's love. I am deserving of relationships that teach me and help me grow and make me happy and allow me to experience how to love and how to be loved.</div>
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<i>I am so deserving and worthy</i>...<b> As are you. </b></div>
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<b>I am so thankful for the people God has brought into my life in the last few days and in the last few months. I am being challenged and facing things that I have always avoided because I never knew how strong they would make me. And all the while, these people are still here. </b><i style="font-weight: bold;">Little do they know how much that means to me. Thankful.</i></div>
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Whatever it is that you are fearful about, let the fear go and let God's love consume you. Consume you so fully and overflow with it. Fear isn't something we experience when we are truly experiencing God's love. </div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">So, here's to taking steps into the unknown of new beginnings without fear.</span></i></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo credits: Sarah McCallister </td></tr>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-62119813986308862092015-06-05T18:35:00.001-05:002015-06-05T18:55:06.625-05:00it's not all the same//<div style="text-align: center;">
Here I sit. On my bed. Sun-burnt like crazy. And a heart full of words to get out. </div>
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Over the years, I've been nothing but straight up honest on here with you guys..and I continue to do that. I don't sugarcoat things, I don't feel the need to write on certain topics. This is raw. Straight from my heart and what needs to be said. </div>
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Last September I shared with you all about my battle with depression... </div>
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<i>(you can read that post <a href="http://heartsprepared.blogspot.com/2014/09/its-like-diabetesyou-cant-see-it-but.html" target="_blank">here</a>)</i></div>
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Shortly after that post was written I decided to stop taking my anti-depressants. I just didn't want to become dependent on them and have to have them. I really saw how strong I was and I knew I wasn't facing the battle alone. So, here I am 9 months later and still off my anti-depressants. It's weird, I'll be honest. Some days I still wake up and go to take them and then remember I haven't had them in 9 months. I have definitely had my ups and downs, highs and lows. Moments of complete weakness and moments that were defining. Majority of the days I am perfectly fine..and then I have some off days..which is okay.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo Credits: Sarah McCallister</td></tr>
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Here lately I am trying to learn to control my emotions. I never had to deal with emotions or thoughts, because they were all numbed for many many months. </div>
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The last mmm week or so I've had a lot of emotional days and stressful moments. I don't think that I've dealt with them the best way either. I did, however, find that being quiet and just processing what was said or processing the emotion really helps. I take my time thinking about things before responding. It may seem rude or odd but we all know I'm a thinker. An <i>overthinker.</i> </div>
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Which brings me to this. </div>
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I'm so afraid that by me still working on this and controlling my emotions and my stress is going to push people I care about away. I feel confident that I'm in a good spot and that they understand. But the fear is there. We get so used to people walking away and out of our lives that the only thought that creeps up when a bit of rockiness hits is that they are going to just walk away. <i>Not every person is like the last. Not every person is going to quit and walk away when they see you in a struggle. The ones who truly care for you will stick through it with you. Encouraging you. They may not understand completely, and that's okay- but they try. And trying is an A+ in my book. </i></div>
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BUT- you also can't let the struggle define you and your circumstances. You can't use it as an excuse constantly. It's no reason to be mean or hateful. No reason to be upset all the time. You need to cry? Then cry it out until you feel better. But don't bottle it up on in the inside and then drop it like a bomb on someone. Be honest and open. </div>
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The last few days I have been <i>super emotional. </i>All the reasons why? I'm not entirely sure. But I do think it's because I'm just learning how to process emotions and feelings again. I'm learning that sometimes things do hurt. And if you're anything like me...having a big heart is an <i>amazing thing.</i> But, sometimes it can hurt. You want to help everyone and make sure everyone is happy. You feel emotion so much harder. You take things way more personal...and that's not our fault. That's just part of having a big heart. And it's all okay. </div>
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<b><i>My point of this post is this:</i></b></div>
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No matter what you're facing, remember- it doesn't define your circumstances. Struggle brings strength. The ones who care for you will stand by you and won't leave you. If you've got a big heart..GOOD. If you've got a big heart and you're a woman...well that's a double whammy because we women are emotional anyways. So it's like tripled emotion. </div>
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You're past isn't the present or the future. Not everyone is the same. And not everyone is going to walk away. <i>And definitely don't punish the ones in front of you because you're scared of the past repeating.</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">Remember how great life really is. It's so sweet. But it's so short. Don't let whatever you're facing get in the way of life.</span></i></div>
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Press into God's word and just spend time with Him. </div>
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This verse has been on repeat in my mind and heart all day long: </div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">"When troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great <i>joy.</i> For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." - James 1:2-4</span></b></div>
Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-82604929013923500752015-05-16T21:01:00.001-05:002015-05-16T21:17:14.188-05:00it wasn't your best//<div style="text-align: center;">
So, here I sit. Once again, on my bed. Letting my nail polish dry. Some music on, and a heart full of words.</div>
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I'm not really sure what this post will be about, or where it will go.. but I guess we'll see! My heart just has so many words flowing through it and the only way I know how to handle that is to just write it out. </div>
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The past couple months I've been watching God work tremendously in my life. And it puts me in awe. I'm watching prayers that I've prayed many times a day for eight months, being answered. I'm not really sure where these things are going or what is going to happen, but what I am so confident in is the fact that I know I am <i>exactly</i> where I need to be. 100% positive of that. And never in my life have I been 100% positive if I was where God was needing me and wanting me to be. I've always doubted and questioned if I was where I was suppose to be. </div>
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Which brings me to this- the past. So many times we <i>choose </i>to hold onto the past and those in it. While doing this, we don't really see how it's affecting <i>the now.</i> Hindering you from realizing and enjoying what is right in front of you. <i>**let me make note: I'm in no way preaching, I struggled with this too people. And I am just now finally seeing what harm it caused in my life.</i> </div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">Holding onto the past is like poison. Slowly seeping into your every day life. Your friendships and relationships. Your vision. You aren't seeing things for what they really are. You're still comparing the now to the before. And slowly, but surely, you're breaking yourself down and creating issues that wouldn't be there to begin with. </span></i></div>
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I believe with my whole heart that everything happens for a reason. People come into our lives for a reason and then they are taken out of our lives for a reason. You can't argue that either. I believe that time wasn't wasted. I think no matter how much time was spent on someone or something, it was a learning process. Say that with me -<i>learning- process.</i> There is <b>always something </b>new to be learned. No matter the situation. <b><i>God is in the middle of every situation and battle you face- so of course there is going to be something to learn</i></b>. Sure, we went back to that ex one too many times (I know we've all done it). Okay, so we fell for another line and fell into the trap and dove in head first and now here you are again. Standing there not understanding what went wrong and what happened. You may never understand. And that's okay- there are many many things in this life that are not meant for us to understand. </div>
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We can't make people change. We can't save them. And we surely can't make them love us. But what <i>we can do</i> is to remember that there is a purpose. A purpose for whatever you've faced or whatever you <i>are facing.</i> It's so so so so important to leave the past in the past. Delete the phone numbers, delete the pictures, remove yourself away from that group of people. I don't care if they were your best friend, the "love of your life" ... Do what you need to do...because if you don't, then how are you ever going to be truly happy? I mean really..it's not possible. Accept it for what it was. <i>It is what it is.</i> </div>
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You guys, I had the hardest time with this. I did. And then one day I woke up and I just knew in my heart that God had so much more for me. He didn't create me to live in depression and in the past. He doesn't want me to hold onto something or someone that He removed from my life for a reason. I couldn't keep rereading that chapter over and over again and continuing to make myself miserable. I was blind to my worthiness and <i>how loved I really am.</i> I forgot my passions and my dreams. I was going through the motions <i>day after day after day.</i> But when I made the decision to let it all go, that's when I started seeing things. The people in front of me. The decisions I wanted to make. The happiness that I had longed for. My heart has not been this happy in...well, I don't really know how long. But a long long time. I'm at such peace and so content. So confident in the fact that God is in control and knows what my heart deserves. Just like He knows what <i> your heart deserves. So don't be blinded by everything you're holding onto from the past. </i></div>
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<b>So...</b><i>.</i></div>
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<b>IT SUCKS. I GET IT.</b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> But trust me, please just trust me when I say, there is much much better out there. </span></div>
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But I mean like really...who wants to hold onto something that brought so much pain? Exactly..no body does. Delete it, but never forget what it taught you. </div>
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<i>Keep the past where it is..the past. Not your now. Not your future. You might miss out on some really amazing things and people if you decide to keep letting it into your life. </i></div>
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<i>So, make the decision to walk away. </i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">You gave it your best and it wasn't the best that God HAS for you. </span></i></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo credits: Sarah McCallister</td></tr>
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<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5332629622925417487.post-71223169546041062382015-05-10T00:25:00.001-05:002015-05-10T00:39:04.029-05:00Get with it//<div style="text-align: center;">
Okay guys, it's time to get real...for real. Down and dirty and uncomfortable. I don't care if you don't like it...don't read it. Yes, I said that.</div>
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What is it today that makes it okay to play games? To play with hearts and emotions like we're playing with a deck of cards? Or playing hopscotch on the playground. What is it? Why have we allowed it to happen? Better yet, <i>why have we allowed it to get as far as it has?</i></div>
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<i>We gripe and complain because we can't find someone-well maybe you should look at how you're going about it all. Make some adjustments.</i></div>
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I don't know about you, but I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. We sometimes have to go down the dead end roads. We sometimes have to take the wrong turn. Not just so we could say that we did, but for us to learn from it and to know and understand that we <i>are going </i>to face opposition and battles. That we will make mistakes. And the biggest thing we need to take from those things is the strength that lies in it. So I say that to lead me to this...</div>
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If we've been hurt and we've made it through the heartbreak and the tears, then why do we allow ourselves to get into situations that really are setting us up for pain and tears? It's like we're too scared to be honest and say what we really want, so we just play along and pretend we are okay with "whatever this is, whatever we are" until someone gets tired of it and decides to stop talking. I mean why is this okay? Where is the respect? Respect for yourself. Respect for the other person. Why would we make it through the storm and then just settle? I mean this really baffles me. This fires me up and makes me angry.</div>
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The fact that guys can "pursue" me and think that they can play me? No. That's <i>not how it works..at all.</i> I'm not the woman you play games with. I'm a woman who knows her worth. Who knows what she brings to the table. A woman who <i>knows what she deserves</i> and will not be settling for less. I don't waste my time on pursuing something with someone if I don't see it going anywhere. </div>
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Is it because people are so afraid of love these days? Afraid of commitment? Afraid of being happy? I just don't understand. And I'm wondering when will I <i>ever </i>understand. People mess around with these little games and then they wonder why they lost a good thing. They portray themselves to be so genuine and a person of character...then with time, who they are starts to show. And you see that there is nothing genuine about their pursuit for you. </div>
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You guys, let's stop the crap. Man up. Woman up. Say what's on your mind. Stop being so afraid of rejection. Rejection is God's protection. </div>
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Stop the games. Stop the mixed signals and the <i>"i kinda like you but I kinda don't but I do. But I don't want a girlfriend/boyfriend right now..." </i>It's about as simple as your ABC's. </div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">so, remember your worth and what you deserve. Trust me, there is someone out there that is going to realize and see how amazing you are. And when you find that person--- never let them go.</span></i></div>
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get with it. </div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879437067023857544noreply@blogger.com1