something new

In the last month I have sat on my bed and started writing a new post.Minutes later that post was drafted and never posted. I am hoping today is a little different. Life has been different lately. 

Let me start by saying that I am once again in complete awe of God and how faithful He is. 

Never in my life have I seen faithfulness like His. 

When we let go of things and people that aren't meant for us, that opens the door for God to usher in what IS meant for us and WHO is meant for us. 

It hurts. I know, it really does hurt. But, like I have always said before, there is purpose in the pain. There is meaning in the confusion. There is understanding in the chaos. 

For weeks and weeks I held on. I held on to any little thing I could to make it seem like it was still real. Like it wasn't gone. 

Confusion, hurt, tears. That was daily for me. I just couldn't understand how something that was a daily thing in your life, could just be gone. Like that. No reason given, no words spoken, nothing. Nothing at all. Just silence. Deafening silence. Silence that cut so deep and hurt more than the truth. Silence that gave me my answer. Silence that helped me understand that I had to let go, because I deserve so much more and so much better than silence. 

I remember so vividly standing there in that auditorium. K was to my left and I just remember singing those words over and over again. 

Your Name is higher
Your Name is greater
All my hope is in You

Your word unfailing
Your promise unshaken
All my hope is in You

I just remember hearing words spoken saying "Whatever it is you need to let go of, let's just let it go tonight. Whatever healing you need in your heart, let God do that. Let Him put your broken pieces together."

And in that moment, I let go. I knew right then I was going to be okay. More thank okay actually. I had no idea where God was going to take me or what God was going to do in my life. 

But I knew it was going to be everything my heart could ever desire. 

The very next day a door was opened and I was shocked. A week later another door was opened and I was once again blown away. For months and months I had been so unsure about where to go with my degree and my career. And then it was just thrown in my lap.

It's like I was standing still and the world was spinning and I was just watching things fall around me...into place.  

New friendships have been made 

New doors have been opened.

And I am so confident with where I am at. 

I know I say this often, but I just want to encourage someone who needs it. When it feels like everything is falling apart and people are walking away from you with silence---- it's not falling apart. God is just rearranging the puzzle pieces. Getting you in place for where He needs you to be in order to elevate you and take you higher up your path. 

Trust me, I still have moments where I am just so overcome with hurt which turns to anger. I just don't understand how someone who knows my heart could act out such hurtful actions towards me, all while knowing how much it hurts my heart. But, I can hold my head high. Because I know I gave so much to someone. I cared and loved. I tried my best.  It would be so easy to feel hatred towards them- but I can't. Instead my heart aches for that person. It prays for that person daily. It still cares alot.

I am thankful for everything that I learned. The laughs, the tears, the memories made. I know my laughter and my voice will echo in the mind of that person. And that the love that my heart gave will never be forgotten. Who knows what the future holds. Only God knows the answer to that. 

If you're feeling this way or even similar to this.. just hold on. Have HOPE. Don't give up just yet. God is about to move and rearrange and set you higher on your journey. Just let go. Let go of what is not meant for you at this time.

A verse that I have clung to this past month is: 

Isaiah 43:18-19: " But forget all of that- it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See! I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."

See you guys. God is so faithful. He will take care of you. He will heal all of your hurts. He will breathe new life into you. Let Him.