oh boy, 2nd post today.
As I sit here having porch night with B, I am consumed with anxiety and fear and unknowns. How do I know that I am making the right decisions?
Here I am, this little ole southern Bama girl, with dreams of traveling and touching lives all over the world. A dream so big that it literally scares me. I dream of a New York fall, boots and scarves and coffee in hand, walking into the hospital to change into my scrubs and hopefully change a life that day. The crisp air, the hustle and bustle of the busy streets. The feeling of accomplishment..living on my own in a big city. Making a life for myself. Making my parents proud..but most importantly....making myself proud.
I dream of traveling to a third world country and being able to share my knowledge and skills with those that are not privileged like we are here. Maybe making just the slightest bit of difference in someone's life.
I have so many desires. But me? Me of all people. Who am I kidding? I CAN'T do that. I can't. I can't. But what is stopping me?? The fear? The low grades I keep getting on these tests. I constantly remind myself, a grade does NOT determine the kind of nurse I will be. But honestly...uhh I cannot become one without passing classes...sooo...yeah.
I'm at a point in my life where I am struggling. I have worked and worked and worked my tail off and still have failed. It just doesn't make sense to me. Literally, this has been THE MOST discouraging thing for me..ever. But, I keep pushing my way through it all. All these feelings of unknown come because I am at this point. You see, the desires that I have-- God has placed those in my heart. God PLACED THEM in MY HEART! The enemy sees me discouraged and he will take and do whatever he can to keep pulling me down. To keep putting the word "can't" in my head..he wants hold of me to pull me away from these dreams & desires.
So with these unknowns comes the point of questioning myself. Am I really good enough for this? Can I really do this? Am I really worth it? Is this really worth it? Wait, WHY am I doing this? Question after question after question FLOODS my mind. And EVERY SINGLE time it's the SAME answer. ...Megan, you are worth SO much. This is WORTH it. You are doing this because of the PASSION you have for it. The love and compassion that you have for others. You are doing this because you love it.
And there you have it. Y'all..I KNOW that I can do this. I KNOW that it is attainable. I KNOW that God has an AMAZING plan for my life and for this future and this career that I am embarking on. He never promised that it would be easy, but He DID promise to take each step with me.
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Guys we serve an incredible God. He is bigger than ANY circumstance. He is bigger than any fear, a bad grade, the unknowns...He is BIGGER than it all. Just trust Him. ANYTHING is possible with God. Whatever it may be that you are facing, that you are struggling with, something that you feel you can't do...YOU CAN. Let God lead you. Let Him handle it.
" For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need. "
My New York fall seasons will be possible, my desire to travel the world and help others WILL BE possible. Patience is key. Faith is key. Hope.