Today was a down day. I won't even try to pretend that it wasn't. Since Thursday night I have been doing nothing but relaxing and enjoying sweet time in the mountains. This morning when I woke up, I was ready to take on the day. But then, the phone call came. My positivity was almost crushed, and a few tears fell from my eyes. Constantly reminding myself that God's plan is going to prevail. That everything is happening for a reason...I may not understand now, but one day, oh one day, I will understand.
I've lived in the past for too long. I've lived in the future for too long. Now, I am living in the moment. Life is so very precious.
I can't control my future, but I can control what directs my future.
In the past week I have made some amazing decisions and those decisions are life changing. But I'm not holding onto those for dear life.. what happens, happens.
What I am holding onto for dear life, is God's promises. His love. His faithfulness...therefore, I am not fearful. I am not wavering in my faith.
Faith and fear cannot live in the same house. Only FAITH lives in this house.
Sunday, at Roaring Fork Church in Gatlinburg, TN, I had the pleasure of making a new friend. His name was Nate, and he was 11. Well almost 12 on December 31st to be exact. Nate is a little boy who gets picked up by 1 of 5 church vans from a surrounding location, and brought to church. As I sat in this service with my sweet cousin,James, next to me spitting out Bible verses along with the preacher, I watched Nate. I wondered what his home life is like. I tried to picture what his momma and daddy looked like. Nate was a cute little boy with blonde hair and a high cheek structure. As the service was closing and others were down at the altar praying, I noticed little Nate was absolutely still but I could tell he was thinking. Something was turning in his little head. I watched Nate walk to the altar and kneel. I automatically looked at A next me to see if he noticed. He did. As Nate was down at the altar, I prayed for that little boy. I didn't even know this kid, all I knew was that he was 11 almost 12 on December 31. But my heart was loving this kid with everything it had. Nate accepted Christ into his heart on Sunday, January 19, 2014. My heart was smiling. I mean literally smiling. I remember looking up at A and I had tears forming in my eyes. I remember just feeling them roll down my cheeks and a smile breaking across my face.
This brings me to this-- I want that child-like faith back. I want it again. It almost seems like it was so much easier when we were kids and the only struggle we knew was either writing sentences about not throwing food in the cafeteria (wait..was I the only one who had to do that?) or the struggle was figuring out who we were going to play with at recess that day. We were invincible. We fell down, we got right back up. Our feelings were hurt, our mommas made them feel all better. We were endless, we were free and we had no concept of the wrong in this world. --tonight, I want that child-like faith back. I want my heart to have that faith like little Nate...that no matter my circumstances, I see no evil, I see no hurt. But wait...is that a blind eye? No, it's not. That is me wanting to push my faith, to have my faith take me deeper. Yes, I have faith and I have a 24/7 walk with Christ. But I know my faith could be bigger. I don't want to settle with mediocre faith. I don't want to be satisfied with having faith in my God and being settled but knowing that my faith is meant to be bigger!! I want God to show up and show out in my life this year. I want Him to blow my mind and open my eyes! I've realized that for me and my walk with God that my passion lies with people. Here lately a verse from Proverbs has been constantly popping up in my mind. I have made this verse my life verse for 2014....
So, it's time to ask God to stretch me in ways I have never been and to use my life to help others in this life. To serve others in this life.