Here I am

These few words. They are dangerous. But not a bad dangerous. A good dangerous. 

A year ago when I sat on a the riverwalk wall in downtown Montgomery, with my Bible in my hand and tears slowly rolling down my cheeks, I whispered these words. My tongue, my heart-- they whispered these words and had no idea what God was going to do. Better yet, if He would even use me. 

Me. Megan. Messy, bossy, emotional and moody Megan. Yet so full of life, love and joy. Would do anything for anyone to see them smile.  

 But yet, I didn't feel worthy. I didn't feel worthy of God using me. To send me. To use my life and the plans He has for me.

 I just didn't feel worthy. The girl who had made this decision about 6 times before and went back on it every time. The girl who was too scared to see what life had to offer outside of my little bubble that I had been in since I was 17. The girl who now somedays has regret creep in that she didn't go away for college or play ball in college. The girl who has to remind herself that every decision she made, helped shape her. Make her stronger. To teach her. The girl who wakes up everyday now and is thankful for God's mercies and His grace. For giving me this chance at life.

I don't know where I am going. I don't know where I will end up. I don't know who my husband will be. The color of his hair, the color of his eyes. The way his hair falls over his brow. I don't know what my children will look like. The sound of their voices and the shapes of their little toes. I don't know what tomorrow holds. But seeing where I was a year ago and where I am now... I know that no matter where I go, who I am with, or where I end up..that life will be sweet. That God will be the center. And it will be amazing. 

I can't really explain or get out into words what I am feeling right now. To see how God has used me and my life in the past year, and to have a heart full of excitement and expectancy for this summer and where I will be...I know that He is going to turn my life upside down and around and around this summer.

I am continually praying for God to prepare me emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually for what's to come this summer. To teach me how to do ALL things with love. To see Him in every moment. And to lose myself and to find Him even more in serving others.