Sometimes I feel like I am in a movie. Or even in my own little world and not one person can hear me. I scream and yell for someone to talk and they just keep moving along with their business. It's almost like a bad dream.
I can be in a room or in a place full of people and for a moment, I feel I am alone.
Almost as if not one person understands. The hurt. My heart. The words I have swarming through my mind but I can't say them because I fear of what someone will think after the words are spoken.
I have days where I just want to run. Run forever. Run as far as my body will possibly let me run. Or just get in my car and drive. Just drive until I have absolutely no clue where I am. The wind in my hair, the radio on, singing my heart out to every one of the songs that comes on.
Caught on to any of this? It's all just me. Alone.
Not sad alone, but just spending time with myself and becoming in-tune with my life.
Sometimes I feel like my life is a song.
Some days I want to write a book.
Some days I feel as though I have wasted so much time...
I then realize that life is a constant learning and growing process.
To let your emotions rule your life, well that is just setting yourself up for a constant battle.
There was a point in time this past fall where I hit a low. I called my mom. I was crying uncontrollably and I told her I needed a therapist. When really, I just needed to talk. I needed to tell someone that I was getting a dose of my own medicine. Karma had come back around and it was biting me hard. I asked my mom some "what-if" questions and she said "Megan, if that's how it goes then you pick yourself up by the bootstraps and stand tall .You carry on."
I still tell myself that every day when a situation arises. We can never ever ever take a moment back, but we can make the decision to never have a moment like it again. Every second is so priceless. I don't want to look back and realize that I cut myself off. That I made the decision to sulk. Or to not be happy. I am so blessed and whatever trial may be going on in my life, well I know I have life so much better than so many people out there. People who don't even have a bed or clean water to drink.
All I am saying is that, even though sometimes I feel like moments in my life are movies or songs- I feel as those moments are defining. Crucial.
I wasn't too sure about this post (this is the 3rd post I wrote tonight)--and I am still not sure of it. Maybe it doesn't make sense? Maybe it does? Who knows.
But I know that I am not the only one who feels like this.