My heart was hurting today. It is still hurting tonight.
Words that should have never escaped my lips came out tonight as I was having the breakdown of the century. Tears would not stop forming. They wouldn't stop falling. I'd dry it up and it would start all over again. Anger, frustration, confusion, stress....things from the last month that had piled up and been stored away, finally broke tonight and came out. Did it feel good afterwards? No. I just cried some more. And some more.
Tonight I am asking for peace. I am asking for direction. I am asking God what do I do? Where do I go from here? A new beginning opened up for me on Wednesday and I know that these tears are not apart of that new beginning. Or are they? Are these tears and uncontrollable sobs me finally releasing pain and confusion that I have been letting build up? Are these tears the release of the old?
I would like to think of it like that. Sometimes it has to storm hard and once it's done that blue sky fills quickly. Tonight, I will release these tears with a sense of freedom. Freedom. I will not be a victim of feeling sad and confused. Let the tears fall....it really is okay.