Don't waste...

Warning: this post is about 3 in 1. Bounces around....but just stay with me! 

This morning as I was getting ready for church, I switched on the Gungor pandora station. A song comes on and I was about to turn it right when I noticed the song name.. "Please be my strength"...I went back to straightening my hair and listened to the words. It seriously took so much energy to NOT let myself cry. The words hit my heart so hard... 

I know we all sometimes struggle in our faith- especially when it seems that things are just going wrong. But remind yourself that God has a plan!

I am tired of trying to justify things and words said to make it all "okay". That's not a way to live life. At all. We are called to love others. We are called to share Jesus with others. Our actions should match up to our words...not only say but do.

The struggle I've found myself in lately is tough. The words in this song are my thoughts and words exactly... 

I’ve tried to stand my ground
I’ve tried to understand
but I can’t seem to find my faith again...

/// like water on the sand
or grasping at the wind

I keep on falling short....

///please be my strength

please be my strength
Cuz I don’t have anymore
I don’t have anymore...

pray your glory shines
through this doubting heart of mine
so my world would know that You

You are my strength
You and You alone
You and You alone
Keep bringing me back home

It's almost like there is a firing burning inside me and I yearn for understanding and for my faith to stay strong.
But it's almost like there has been a loss of hope. A loss of understanding. I know before I've said I felt like I could just throw my head back and scream and not one person hear me. Now it's almost like I am in a tunnel, and the tunnel doesn't end. It just keeps going and going and going. I can yell or scream and it's just loud noise. No meaning to my words, no meaning to my screams. Sometimes it's almost like my mind is just a jumbled book. I know what I want. I know where I'm going. But it's almost like I don't have the strength to make myself keep going. It's so easy to give up on ourselves. But I truly with every beat of my heart have never wanted anything more than I do right now. Yes, things are tough. I'm alive. I am blessed beyond more than I could ever imagine. When you feel like quitting, remember all the reasons why you started in the first place. 

That moment when you feel like giving up, when it doesn't seem worth it, that is where change happens. 
Keep Going.

I've learned that in this life we are going to be let down. What hurts the most is when you're let down by someone you value so much. I will never be able to understand or fully process how people can say one thing but then do another. How words can be said to you, and then the very next day it's like they were never said. It's not okay. And I won't pretend it is okay either. 

Even though sometimes it just seems like pushing everyone away is the best decision, it's really not. People will come in and out of your lives. And sometimes they will change over night. But take what you can from that and move forward with it. Learn. Everything happens for a reason. Don't dwell. Don't be bitter or angry. 

Time is precious. Don't waste it...

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