I always love confirmations. I love when God lets me know that I am doing exactly what I need to be doing and that I am exactly where I need to be. I take so much for granted. Yes, I am thankful. Yes, I know and acknowledge all that God has done and IS doing in my life. But at the very same moment, I am also taking it for granted.
The past few months I have been trying to balance a secular lifestyle along with my Christian walk. Not possible. All that brought was confusion and frustration and trouble. It's almost like I was lost and confused and just searching for "myself" and turning to the world to help find me, instead of turning to my creator, who knows me better than I know myself . I hurt people, my family, and my closest friend. Yet they stood right there just praying for me and hoping I would open my eyes. I said words that I didn't mean and I took actions that weren't me. But I can't dwell on that. It is what it is. God is a forgiving God and waited with His arms open for me to come running back.
Even in this dark time, He was still continually making things happen in my favor. Why? Well I don't know. I had one foot in and one foot out.
(((This is one of the most honest posts I have ever written. I am not proud of these things, but I know I need to share...someone out there needs to see this.)))
But yet, He still let everything good happen to me. From Nursing school basically just falling into my lap to getting plenty of money for school, to continually blessing me daily through my job. I just don't get it.
Yes, my heart was there with Him all along. All the while I was trying to live a lifestyle that wasn't me. My heart knew it. My heart yearned for God's peace and His comfort. But I pushed it away and pretended.
Sometimes we have to get so off path and have our eyes opened wide to realize that it's not what we want.
With all the changes in my life in the past few months, I guess I felt like I need to make myself into something else. That I needed to "re-invent" who I was. I got out of a 6 year relationship in April. A relationship that I thought would be the one for the rest of my life. But when I chose my happiness over settling, I knew I needed to make myself happy. But I chose the route that only brought confusion and temporary happiness. With people that never truly cared, only wanted me around because it was convenient. But yet I tried to justify their actions and say it was "okay". No. It's not okay.
When my reality check finally hit me hard, I realized all of this. I took my steps back and re-evaluated. I changed my thoughts, my outlook, and my "want" to live a secular lifestyle. The first few days were odd. Kind of hard. But when I looked at the BIG picture and realized that I was on the right path before this, and I wanted to continue the path that God had laid out in front of me, that snapped me quick. When I saw the tears falling from my sisters eyes and the hurt she felt because she knew I was going the wrong way. When I didn't know how to react when I saw her tears and pain..and I laughed...I knew I needed to finally make that change.
Only God can turn your mess into a message.
Yesterday I had confirmation that I was exactly where I needed to be. It was almost as if God was saying to me that I was back. That He is proud of me for standing my ground and not letting the world conform me. That I stopped and realized it when I did.
Friends, today I ask you...are you living a lifestyle that just isn't you? Are you trying to cover up hurt in your heart? Are you drowning pain? Let me tell you, God is the only one who can heal that pain and comfort that hurt. He can take it all away. Just take that step back. Realize that God is FOR you. He is your healer. We all get off track at times. But what's important is that we realize it and we change it. When you are exactly where God wants you to be, He will let you know. And that is the most rewarding feeling in the world.
Today, make the change. You are not alone.