Take a step, and breathe.

Changes. Regrets. Leaps. Blindness. Unknowns. Truths. Lies. Fears. Laughs. Tears. Smiles. Pain.

We each know what every one of those feel like. The fear of taking chances. The fear of changes. The fear of all the unknowns. The blindness we go through when decievement is in full force.We smile when we are happy. We smile through the pain. We try to hide the pain and the hurt. We cover it up with fake smiles, and forced laughs. But the ones who know us, the real us...well they know. The see right through the fake.

I have to be honest, and y'all know this already, but I am not a fan of change. But- change is all I've known for the past 6 months. I can't decide what this season is. Is it a season of new beginnings? Brokenness? Growing? Learning? ----It's a season full of ALL of those things. 

Here lately, I've had moments of such weakness. Some days I wonder why I am doing what I am doing. Why keep on with something, when I'm not even barely making it through? Why keep working my tail off and not getting anything from it? 

Why did God open this door for me and I'm not succeeding in it. Why would He set me up for failure? Why?

The answer, once I realized it, is quite simple. God didn't and isn't setting me up for failure. This is happening for a reason. He has a plan. 
Sometimes, God, delays us or keeps us where we are at, because HE knows there is a storm where we are headed to. 

This is all part of His plan. This is teaching me something. This is helping/making me learn & understand something...about life, about myself.
 Newness is being revealed in these moments of struggle.

It would be so easy to turn and run. To run as far as I can and not deal with anything. Not deal with these struggles. But honestly, these struggles excite me in away. They are only making me stronger. Overcoming obstacles that I , and others never thought I could. I am proving to myself that I am worthy. I am strong. I CAN do this. 

Taking a step back isn't giving up and it's not failure. 
Maybe this is what all this is about- maybe this is God's way of making myself see that it's OKAY to not be perfect. Nobody is perfect. It's OKAY to admit that you are struggling. To show me that it's OKAY to not always be strong. That it's OKAY to not always have things done when I want them done. God's timing is perfect. His plan is the ultimate plan. I trust him.

Maybe this is God's way of showing me to lean on HIM at all times. This is a way of building my trust and making my foundation stronger. Showing me that HE is my rock. Bringing me closer to HIM.

I am so thankful for the new friends God has brought into my life. Prayers have been answered. 
So grateful.

So- when you feel like you cannot keep on, or you feel like you just will never finish- remind yourself of Philippians 1:6-
 "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns"

When I don't understand, I still choose you God. 
When I don't have the strength, I still choose you God. 
For you are Good. You are good. Your ways are good. Your plan is perfect.

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