Today, my heart is full of uncertainty. I'm not really sure about anything today. Or better yet, really not sure about anything these days. Most of the days I am walking around pretending that I know what I am doing. Fake it till you make it...right? No. WRONG. The only thing that I am absolutely 100 million% positive about is that my God is faithful. My God loves me. Never will He forsake me. When it seems like the world is crashing down around me, or when I am losing grip on my footing, God grabs my arm and holds me still. I remind my heart to be still. To be still and let God steady things.
Please don't take this the wrong way...I am not complaining. We are all fighting battles that others do not know about. I choose to write mine on here, because I want others to know that no matter their battle, they aren't alone.
SO-- if you want to think I am complaining, then so be it. But those of you who know my heart...you know why I write it all out. I thank y'all very much for reading.
So- when the world is spinning and it feels like the odds are against me, I have to remind myself that God is FOR me. If GOD is FOR ME then who could be against me?! Amazing.
There are people who really are trying to come against me right now. Trying so hard to tear my name and reputation apart. But honestly, it's not working. We all go through periods of time in our lives that are rough. For me, that was this summer. Yes, I got into a rough crowd, but I was smart enough and STRONG enough to realize what was going on and where I was at. So, I changed it. My life has changed for the better and my relationship with Christ is stronger than it has ever been.
I think that people are so quick to judge others because it's so easy pointing out other people's flaws and mistakes, than to point to and face their own. It SUCKS. Pardon my language. But it does.
Just let me say--
For those of you who are pointing out my flaws, and who love to talk about my past....think about your past for a minute. Think about what you are doing now. Is it any better? NO. My point exactly. You might want to take a look at yourself before trying to tear me apart. And that's not me being rude or ugly or hateful. That's me being honest. I have a problem with soo many people? Really? No. Not at all. I have no problems with people. You burn me, I don't give you another chance. So if that is your definition of "me having problems with soo many people"..you may need a little refresher course...I don't hang out with people who treat me poorly, and do not have respect for others. So, there ya go.
But, instead of bashing you and your name (like you do me) I pray for you. I pray that God will take the hate out of your heart and open your eyes. I pray that you see how lost you are and that you need God's love.
Sometimes the high road is so hard, but it is so worth the peace that God places in my heart.
With all of this being said, I'm not going to quit. I'm not going to give up. My heart is in this. I know God's plan for my life is amazing and each day He shows me how amazing it is. I am fighting right now. I am pushing against what feels like a brick wall, not going anywhere. All of the opposing things that come my way, well they can keep coming because I am not backing down. The enemy will try anything and everything to get you off the path that you are walking on with God. The enemy will use your closest friends, acquaintances, strangers, etc. But here's a little news flash..
I won't throw my hands up in the air and quit.
I will keep pushing, persevering and giving it my all. Ignoring those who talk ugly about me, and just prove to myself and to everyone that they were wrong.
1 Peter 4:1-5 has been weighing on my heart and my mind these past few weeks..