It's 2:19 in the morning and I am wide awake. I've been tossing and turning for a straight hour now. Sleep just isn't an option for me tonight, obviously.
Images are flashing through my mind like a slide slow. Moments in time that I literally stopped, took a mental screen shot and saved, then pressed play in time and kept going. Smiles, moments of eye contact, the color of the sunset at the exact moment my heart was twirling.
I can't seem to steady my heart. To still my heart tonight. So much emotion has overtaken it, and I am okay with that. It's emotion that frankly, could scare the mess out of me, but oddly enough, I haven't let it..I'm happy. I'm alive. But the thing is, I'm not even feeling that feeling of being vulnerable and scared. I'm not afraid to open up and get close with fears of it hurting. No, instead I'm feeling something that can't be given a name. There's no title for what I feel. I'm hoping that at times I remember to actually stop and enjoy the moment. My heart has not been happy in a very very long time. Yes, I had joy. But I was not happy.
We will save the topic of Joy and Happiness for another post. Love that debate.
I guess in a way I know what God is placing on my heart. I know that He has a purpose in this very moment.
Each and every single little detail was woven by Him for each moment.
The intricate details of those moments of smiles, eye contact, and the colors of the sky. The feeling of my heart twirling and literally feeling like it is going to jump up and out of my throat.
I sit and I look at all that has led to now. I see things. I see things that I didn't see then, but I had faith that one day I would see, and that I would understand. God's faithfulness is unbelievable. Un.be.liev.a.ble.
I do know one thing.
And this I am certain of... the peace in my heart is indescribable.
I mean that with every ounce of my body. The peace is just so overwhelming and calming. No worries, no fears, no stress, no anger, no tears.
Today, one of the best friends I have ever had shared this with me...and it really sums it all up..
"but hey, it's like skydiving. You just got to jump and let gravity and the chute do the rest."
I couldn't have said it better myself.
And I'm not sure where this road is leading me, but so far, I'm liking it. So smile, laugh until it hurts and love like you have never lost or can lose, and soak it all in..cause life really is a beautiful journey molded exactly for you.
So my friends, let's jump and let gravity and the chute do the rest.