I wish I could tell you that I was on top of things.
But I'm not.
I was taking my daily drive and decided to put on some Taylor. (yes, I love her. Don't hate.)
A song I have been keeping on repeat was the first one I scrolled down to. Play.
I heard the words coming through my speakers and for the first time in a long time, I felt that all was just right.
My words, my decisions, my actions. My heart.
Oh, my heart. So much it has endured in the past 10 months. Moments of darkness that was so deep and so dark, that I honestly did not think I would see the light. ever. Moments of "happiness"...but it was happiness that was only temporary. fooling myself..that's what we will call it.
Surrounding myself with people who weren't my friends, people who only cared about themselves and not others. People with pretty outsides, but ugly insides.
Moments of realizations. One being that nursing was a passion for me. But it wasn't what God called me to do. Another realization... which is recent...that there are still good people. There are guys out there who do have good intentions. Who are genuine. Who can and do and will care for you. Someone who inspires you to be the best version of you that you can be. Someone who let's you fly, but doesn't lose you. Instead he flies his own and meets you at the end of the day.
New beginnings are real.
Life is real.
I feel real.
For the first time in 10 months. I feel like I am living again. I am truly living again.
The smile on my face is genuine. My laugh is so gut wrenching and real that I am sore afterwards. My happiness isn't depending on anyone else. I can look at myself in the mirror now and not be ashamed. I can look at myself and say "guess what Meg? YOU did it."
I know, I know...life is going to be full of those ups and downs. But seeing how this was the first huge defining season I ever had... I am grateful that I turned to God to rescue me.
Isaiah 43:2 ---When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
Guys, this is real. This is real life. Whatever it is that you may be facing today, God is right there with you. Not letting you go. Never leaving you. Never forsaking you. The sun will rise and a new beginning will come.
Take what comes today, handle it and be done with it.
And take my advice...when you find someone who makes your heart smile...let it.