I'm not gonna lie..this has been a pretty exhausting weekend. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Did I mention spiritually as well? No? Okay, well, spiritually.
This morning impacted that though and helped me open my eyes and my heart. You see, I have been living in straight fear. Fear. I've been giving God the reigns to my life and each aspect in my life. And it's been refreshing. For once I am not worrying or planning or comparing. But I hit a wall. I hit a wall and fear is what buried me.
Fear :"an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat"
Truth is, I am afraid. I am scared as hell. (excuse my language.) I am scared to live my life. I am afraid to let myself live life and be full of JOY and to let myself have happiness. It's pretty much just me punishing myself for no reason at all. All because I have been afraid. I envision myself in a tiny shell and afraid to walk out of it and experience all that life has to offer. To experience what God has to offer me. I have to say, the past few months I have been doing a good job with this. I've actually put fear to the side and decided that that's not how I want to live my life. And then, it happened. The emotions that I felt that hot summer day while I was laying by the pool and calling my mom who was 6 hours away, and crying and telling her that I didn't know how to feel, I didn't know how to be okay. I didn't know how to trust God anymore. I didn't know how to keep going..-- I was letting those circumstances control my life and my emotions.
I thank God for his love. He rescued me.
You see, I was letting my circumstances control me. I was not in control of my life. I was making the decision to not have hope. I was making the decision to not walk by faith at that moment in time. I was choosing to not have joy.
Life is always going to be rough. Circumstances are going to stink. There will be sad times, bad times, and happy times...challenging times. But we have GOT to keep our Joy. Happiness comes and it goes. Joy is here to stay. To be in the stinkiest of circumstances but still be able to have joy and to praise God..that is what it's about.
In the middle of difficult times, look around and say "there is good in this."
This weekend, I was choosing to live in fear. Not choosing joy. Not choosing to have faith. Deciding to choose negative self talk and being fearful. I can't be afraid to live my life anymore. I can't be afraid to open myself up to someone. I can't be afraid to trust. I can't be afraid to love. I can't be afraid of the word No. I can't be afraid of a hurting heart. I can't be afraid that tears may fall and my world seem like it's crashing down. It's been a self battle. And I am no longer choosing to participate in this battle.
in every one of our bad days, we discover new opportunities.
I can't be afraid to choose JOY. To smile. To laugh. No matter what my circumstances are.I am done living in fear and letting fear control my life.
No matter my circumstances, no matter how hard or scary something is--God has a plan. He is with me. He is teaching me. I am growing. And it is well with my soul.
Philippians 4:11 "...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances"