choose to sing//

It's hard letting go of a life you thought you'd be living. A life with someone that just not completed you, but added to your already completed soul. Someone who became your best friend in a matter of moments. Someone whose eyes you can still see when you close yours. Someone that no matter what you do or where you go, you just can't seem to shake off.  

This someone just completed the puzzle. Put the final piece in there and it just seemed like all the confusion and heartbreaks before, were just leading you to this. To this person. 

And then, one day- the texts get shorter, the phone calls don't come. Then all of a sudden that person is silent. Completely out of your life. No explanation, no reasoning. Not a damn thing. And there you are. Standing there. Like a Taylor Swift song. Wondering what you did wrong. Wondering what you could have done differently. The plans made, the bond established. You wouldn't have seen this coming. But it happened. And here you are. Trying to figure it out. Trying to understand that the missing puzzle piece wasn't quite the right fit. But you thought it was. And you scroll Instagram. You scroll through Twitter and Facebook...just hoping to see some interaction from that person. Desperation? No. Just something that will take some time to get use to. 

***let me say..I am thankful for the months I have endured that were full of the hopelessness I felt. The tears that streamed down my face. The nights I felt like would ever end. God was holding me. And He wasn't letting go. I am a much stronger woman today than I ever thought I could be. I know that the life I thought I was going to have is nothing compared to life that God has for me. He removes people from our lives for a reason. Not because they are bad. Just because they can't go with us to where He is taking us next. That's not a part of their journey. Be thankful for this. 

I'm so.....hopeful. I think that's the word I want to use. I saw a quote on Instagram that said "I could fill a lake with all the things I left unsaid"... and that hit me. I'm not the type of person to hold things back. I'm not the girl to leave things unsaid. I believe in love. I believe in loving hard. If it means something to you, then you better show it or someone else will. I know it's scary. Unrequited love. The other person not feeling exactly how you do. But how would you ever know unless you opened your mouth? 

I can look back and know that I never let anything go unsaid. I said how I felt. I meant what I said. I said what I meant. But, he didn't. That's what needs to be brought to attention. He didn't feel what I felt. And if he did, he surely didn't say it. Look at your situation. Are you the only one talking about things? If so, you need to walk away. You aren't going to "change" them. You aren't going to "make them come around"...because if they felt what you wanted them to feel then they'd be there emotionally and mentally. Come on, remember your worth.

I'm so thankful that endings are new beginnings. 
We each carry a little bit of each relationship with us and that's fine. We take what we learned from it. We grow. We develop. We become who we are meant to be. Every person plays a role in our life. Some for a long period of time and some for just a short time. Don't hold back. Don't be afraid. 

I have no regrets. I know God has a plan for my life. I know He is strengthening my heart and preparing me for what's to come. If you would just take a step back and turn away from whatever it is that is hindering you, you could flourish. But instead, you hope and pray that a mind will be changed. All the while God is just waiting for you to see that it's not going to happen. 

If I've learned anything in this trial in the last 8 months, it's that God is going to do what HIS plan calls for. 
He's the one in control. Not me. And the tighter I held onto something that needed to be let go, the further and further I turned away from God. Then the anger towards God came. It was just a mess. M E S S Y. But when I finally accepted that God indeed knows what He's doing, everything became calm. It was still confusing and hurt so badly. But I knew that He would bring peace to the chaos in my heart and my mind. That He would still my heart. He did. 

So many days and nights I would just ask God to help me..that whatever was in front of me to just help me to sing hallelujah. And He did.

So today, here I am. Learning to be still and to wait on God. Not worrying about being pursued. Not trying to understand. Just here. Enjoying myself. Enjoying life. Becoming the woman God has planned for me to be. Pursuing my faith and walk with Him more and more. And when the hurt creeps in with memories, I just smile..because those memories are amazing. 

Don't ever think when something ends that you've wasted love. 
I think one of the most beautiful things is being vulnerable and real. Showing how you really feel. 
Why be like everyone else and play the stupid games? Why not text first? Stop listening to society on dating. Stop listening to society on rules of love. You love how you want and wish everyone else good luck with the way they are doing it. 

Just remember to be you. KNOW that God is with you. And remember your worth and what you deserve. And don't ever settle.

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