it wasn't your best//

So, here I sit. Once again, on my bed. Letting my nail polish dry. Some music on, and a heart full of words.

I'm not really sure what this post will be about, or where it will go.. but I guess we'll see! My heart just has so many words flowing through it and the only way I know how to handle that is to just write it out. 

The past couple months I've been watching God work tremendously in my life. And it puts me in awe. I'm watching prayers that I've prayed many times a day for eight months, being answered. I'm not really sure where these things are going or what is going to happen, but what I am so confident in is the fact that I know I am exactly where I need to be. 100% positive of that. And never in my life have I been 100% positive if I was where God was needing me and wanting me to be. I've always doubted and questioned if I was where I was suppose to be. 

Which brings me to this- the past. So many times we choose to hold onto the past and those in it. While doing this, we don't really see how it's affecting the now. Hindering you from realizing and enjoying what is right in front of you. **let me make note: I'm in no way preaching, I struggled with this too people. And I am just now finally seeing what harm it caused in my life. 

Holding onto the past is like poison. Slowly seeping into your every day life. Your friendships and relationships. Your vision. You aren't seeing things for what they really are. You're still comparing the now to the before. And slowly, but surely, you're breaking yourself down and creating issues that wouldn't be there to begin with. 

I believe with my whole heart that everything happens for a reason. People come into our lives for a reason and then they are taken out of our lives for a reason. You can't argue that either. I believe that time wasn't wasted. I think no matter how much time was spent on someone or something, it was a learning process. Say that with me -learning- process. There is always something new to be learned. No matter the situation. God is in the middle of every situation and battle you face- so of course there is going to be something to learn. Sure, we went back to that ex one too many times (I know we've all done it). Okay, so we fell for another line and fell into the trap and dove in head first and now here you are again. Standing there not understanding what went wrong and what happened. You may never understand. And that's okay- there are many many things in this life that are not meant for us to understand. 

We can't make people change. We can't save them. And we surely can't make them love us. But what we can do is to remember that there is a purpose. A purpose for whatever you've faced or whatever you are facing. It's so so so so important to leave the past in the past. Delete the phone numbers, delete the pictures, remove yourself away from that group of people. I don't care if they were your best friend, the "love of your life" ... Do what you need to do...because if you don't, then how are you ever going to be truly happy? I mean really..it's not possible. Accept it for what it was. It is what it is. 

You guys, I had the hardest time with this. I did. And then one day I woke up and I just knew in my heart that God had so much more for me. He didn't create me to live in depression and in the past. He doesn't want me to hold onto something or someone that He removed from my life for a reason. I couldn't keep rereading that chapter over and over again and continuing to make myself miserable. I was blind to my worthiness and how loved I really am. I forgot my passions and my dreams. I was going through the motions day after day after day. But when I made the decision to let it all go, that's when I started seeing things. The people in front of me. The decisions I wanted to make. The happiness that I had longed for. My heart has not been this happy in...well, I don't really know how long. But a long long time. I'm at such peace and so content. So confident in the fact that God is in control and knows what my heart deserves. Just like He knows what  your heart deserves. So don't be blinded by everything you're holding onto from the past. 

But trust me, please just trust me when I say, there is much much better out there. 
But I mean like really...who wants to hold onto something that brought so much pain? Exactly..no body does. Delete it, but never forget what it taught you. 

Keep the past where it is..the past. Not your now. Not your future. You might miss out on some really amazing things and people if you decide to keep letting it into your life. 

So, make the decision to walk away. 
You gave it your best and it wasn't the best that God HAS for you. 

Photo credits: Sarah McCallister

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