What I want

I turned 26 on Saturday. 26. . 
Here lately, I've really taken a step back and evaluated my life. Who I am, who I feel God created me to be. Where I'm going, what I was made to do. 

I wasn't made to be a people pleaser.
I wasn't made to live my life according to other's opinions.
I was made to love.
I was made to be a light. 
I was made to share my heart.

But sometimes, like usual with life, our actions don't match up to our hearts. We feel one way but act a different way. Afraid of being judged by the world. Afraid of not being accepted. Afraid that we might mess up. Stumble over our words, forget our purpose. You name it, we will find a way to be afraid of it. 

I've realized that my heart is big. I've felt emotion my whole entire life. I've always been an emotional person. But lately, I was doubting some things. Like is it a bad thing that I feel things so strongly? Is it a bad thing that when I love others, I really love them? Or how about this one: does God really have a purpose for how my heart feels and reacts and yearns?  No, no, and yes, Those are my answers. 

So this is what I've come to...

I want my heart to be beautiful. So beautiful. That when people look at me, they actually see a beautiful heart. A heart that is so in love with it's creator. The creator of the universe. The One that knows all the stars in the skies and each strand of hair on my head. The One who intricately wove me together. The One who placed my passions in my heart. My fears, The One who loves me..forever and always. I want my heart to be beautiful because others see God's light.They see His love. 
I want them to see that my heart cries for others who are not as fortunate as me.
I want them to see the love....
For the hurting, and the healed. 
For the ones who are alone. Feeling so forsaken. 
For the ones who are so totally confused about who they are...because the world has told them to be a certain way or they won't be accepted. 
For the ones who have no idea what God is doing in their lives but that they know there is a blessing coming after the storm they are walking through. 

**I don't want these things to show to others to be like "hey look at me"..
I want these things to show, because they can start a fire in someone else's heart. To strike a chord that reveals a passion they didn't realize they had. 

I just want love to radiate from my heart. The mornings that I wake up and my mood isn't exactly great, and I want to be rude to my mother, my sister, or someone dear to me- I want to make the decision to change that..I can't show love through a bad attitude. 

When you see a beautiful heart, a beautiful soul...you don't ever forget it. 
The light that radiates off of love is intoxicating.
I want to seek God continually. Never ever stopping. I want to be full of HIS love.  

I have a feeling that my 26th year is going to be a year of unexpected. A year where I am put in even more awe and astonishment of my God. Life will change this year.. how do I know? Well, every year, life changes. Every day it changes. But God doesn't. He never changes. He's steady and constant...unlike the world today.

The past year, I have watched God take things from ashes and make them beautiful. I have stood there banging on doors that He closed only to finally realize that they were closed for a reason. I've watched plans unfold on my journey just in the last year. I've lost ones I loved and I've gained people to love. It was a pretty amazing year. 

My goal for my 26th year is to become more of the woman God created me to be and intended for me to be. To find my purpose. I want to become more and more like the Proverbs 31 woman.
I want my heart to show God's love. 


Welcome to my year of discovering. 

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