It't not a joke, it's not just some excuse..it's real and it's a battle.
Around this time last year, or a few weeks off, I decided to share and talk about my battle with depression. It wasn't easy, at all. But it's something that I know I don't face alone.
If you haven't read that post, you can read it here
Since that post it has been a rollercoaster of a battle. Somedays I am great and other days I am not so great. I chose the route and got off my medication for it..I really believed that it was something I could learn to overcome. With time it has gotten easier but there are still some days.
Along with depression came anxiety. I never really realized it.
In the last several months my anxiety has been something out of this world. Thankfully, I have a great support system of people who listen, who care, and who love me. These people are patient with me. I know when I send 7 texts in a row with my thoughts that they may be slightly irritated, but they don't let that affect how they respond. I am thankful for this. I am thankful for them.
Anxiety is an evil thing. It can ruin many many things..friendships, relationships, daily life..the quality of life. It rules your thoughts and your emotions. It's like a summer storm almost. Creeps up unexpectedly and BAM hits hard, does some damage and then rolls on out like it was nothing...only to return later.
Simple statements spoken by someone get super twisted and turn into something so negative, when it wasn't a negative statement to begin with. Anxiety makes your mind feel crazy..out of sorts. It makes you feel not normal..like there is something wrong with you.
Many times I think to myself, why can't I just be normal? Why do I have to live in constant fear? In an uncomfortable state of being? Constantly wondering if that next text message that comes through is the end all of something. Or that phone call is just bad news waiting to be dropped on you. Anxiety brings such a negative style to your life. And you want to be positive. You want to be happy and feel free and relieved of it. But it just comes back. Your mind plays tricks on you. Makes you think things that were never even thought up in the situation at hand. It's rough.
An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. -proverbs 12:25
Thankfully, I'm not alone in this. A very close friend of mine struggles with anxiety too..and it's always so comforting to have each other to text or call. We've sat and talked on the phone forever about some tiny little thing that wasn't anything at all, but my mind made it a big deal and turned it into a volcano. She patiently sits and listens and then helps me back down off of that thought. And vice versa with her texting me or calling me to help her. And in all of this helping one another I've realized that anxiety is something I can overcome. Something that she can overcome. Something that you can overcome. I'll give her words of advice and it's almost like something clicks for not only her but for me as well. If only I would listen to myself.
We have it in us to beat this. I fully trust that we do. It's just how badly do you want to beat it? How badly do you want to be able to change that thought process when it starts?
It's gotten to the point where when I feel anxiety creeping in and I feel my thought process starting to take a dive, I make it a point to try my best to stop it. I make it a point to take a deep breath and a step back and be rational. To look at whatever the situation or tiny thing it is and break it down...and to be logical and state the facts. And today for instance, she noticed that in a conversation we were having. It felt so good to know that I am making progress. Some days it'll be easy. Some days it will be really super super super tough. But it's possible.
My relationship with The Lord has grown even more in these last few months. I'm so thankful that that is a relationship that doesn't have a limit. Doesn't have a "fill to" line. It just goes deeper and deeper and deeper. And I know that God has had His hand in this process. He steadies my crazy beating heart and He brings a calm and a peace when I start to feel anxious.
I know it's not easy living with someone who battles this. We wake up in constant fear. Fear of someone leaving us, fear of not being good enough, fear of someone changing their mind, fear of being hurt...fear of many many things. SO, I just want to say thank you to the people who choose me on a daily basis. Who choose to love me, support me, care for me, and to listen to me. Who choose to be a part of my life. Words will never be able to tell you how thankful I am for you guys.
They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.-Psalm 112:7
|photo credits: Sarah McCallister|