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What is it about letting something go that makes it seem so impossible?
Is it that the picture we've painted is so much better than the reality and we are just holding on for dear life to the picture we had? Even though the reality is just crumbling if not already crumbled to pieces.

what is it?

I know for me, something I have realized recently is that I am so afraid of being painted as a bad person. That because I am trying to let go and fully move on and just block this from my mind, that I am not a good person. I'm not a good person because I don't continue what I've had a large part in continuing, long after it was done in the first place. It's so sad.

It's so sad that I've second guessed every single decision I have made in the last few days. And I go back to undo what I did because I feel like I am terrible for trying to move on. But let me tell you, you are NOT a bad person for trying to move on. You are NOT a bad person for removing yourself from something that is toxic to both parties.

You guys, if there is anything I have learned in this past season, it's that when God asks you to let go, it's best you just let go. You just let that door close. Because if not, it will get to the point of shattering. It will get to the point where resentment rises. We don't want that. We are called to love, not to resent.

I think I just care so much about people that it's not good. When I see someone I care for, hurting, i want to help make it better. Even if they haven't said they are hurting. When you've been lost, broken, or confused yourself, you can always always always see the ones who are lost, broken, or confused. And I want to encourage. But sometimes, that kindness gets taken advantage of. At first it's not really noticeable, but then, then it just keeps going on and on and on. 

when does it stop?

It stops when you make it stop. It stops when you stop allowing yourself to be half of the problem. It stops when you decide that you can't take it anymore. It stops when you make the decision to walk away. 

When the rug is pulled out from underneath you and everything is all out of sorts, and you're just not sure what is happening or what God is doing...just breathe. Remember that our Lord is Sovereign. That He isn't going to cause pain without purpose. That anytime He is removing and closing doors, it's because there is something He has in mind that is better for you and the plan He has for your life.

I'm totally speaking to myself when I say this and to anyone out there who needs it: stop holding onto what you wanted it to be. Stop holding onto the life you planned. because God will wreck your plans so quick when He sees that they are about to wreck you!!! 

I'm not here to point fingers, you're not here to point fingers- we are here to accept what is, to learn from it, and to move on. To take what we've learned and to apply it. 

Is it still going to hurt? Yes. Some days it will hurt like hell.
Not sugar coating at all. You will have to make the conscious decision and effort to get up and get going.

But it gets better. 
And life gets a little lighter as each day passes.
And your smile slowly turns from fake to real.

Be confident in where your strength comes from. Know that God is not going to fail you. 
End of story. 

Just know that people come into our lives for a reason. And not everyone is meant to stay. Some are just passing through. And some pass through and then wind up finding their way back into our lives. And sometimes not. But either way, let's let the resentment go. Let the hurt and anger go. Let it all go... holding onto those things is only delaying you. 

There are moments in my days sometimes where I just beat myself up. How stupid could I really be? To not see that I wasn't wanted where I was wanting to be. And why I was wanting to be there when I was unwanted, I'll never understand. But it made me get to the point where I didn't want myself. And that is so dangerous & heartbreaking. But I've realized that some people just can't handle my heart. Period. Not everyone may know how to care and how to love a heart like mine. And that's okay..it doesn't make that person bad or not good enough. They just aren't capable of it.

It hurts to let it go, but at the same time it will be so rewarding. Loving yourself, wanting yourself, knowing your worth. You will be radiant. And everyone will see it. 
So step into the new chapter that is waiting on you.

But whatever you do, 
don't let the ones who couldn't love you, stop you from loving again. 

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