Past

So here it is. 

Life is full of what ifs and fear. 

Being scared. 

Scared of your fear.

Scared of hurt.

Scared of something good. 

Scared of something you know you want.

Why though? Because people were careless with our hearts before? We shut it down. Build those walls. And find ways to keep our minds off of the truth and the reality. The truth that we know in our heart, is good. But sometimes that's too much for people. The thought of falling and falling hard scares the hell out them. I'm not saying that that isn't okay. It's normal when the track record isn't great. Of course it's okay to be scared. But at some point or another you've got to realize that you're never going to find that someone. You're never going to be fully happy. You're always going to walk around with that what if and that regret of letting everything you've wanted, go. Spending the nights drinking and numbing every emotion and feeling. That way you don't have to face it. Looking for the next hook up. Doing anything and everything you can to stop the feeling. Finding things to keep your mind preoccupied from what your heart really is saying. 

This is why the cycle continues. 

I think that it's time we grow up, realize that crap happens in this life. Yes, it hurts. But seriously..look at how much stronger it made you. Look at how it made it clear what you want and what you don't want. We've got to stop using the past as an excuse for why relationships aren't lasting. It's time we start making conscious decisions to not let the past ruin our present and our future. Because in reality, when this is what's happening, we're just using the people we claim to connect with and tearing their hearts down little by little. Then when parting ways happens with silence, both are just so confused. They had the good, they saw the good, they wanted the good. But too hurt to trust again. Leading on just seems easier to some. 

So what happens? What happens when you reach this limbo? You want it but you don't because everything has changed but it's still the same and everything is just so uncertain? You're certain of what you want. You thought you were certain about the other side..until they showed maybe not. 

Listen, this crap is so hard y'all. Dating sucks. Relationships are work. Not many people want to work at something these days when literally at any given moment the other person can just be done. Just done. And then there you are just hanging. 

And the saddest part.....

the ones who do mean well and have nothing but the best intentions to love and care for someone's heart, they get closed out. And it hurts. It hurts like hell. 

I read something earlier that really hit me. It was talking about healthy love and toxic love. And it hit me.. 

one of the hardest and most important things you can learn, is that healthy love does not hurt...it heals. 

Time is ticking and we aren't gaining any time either. I really think it's so important to make sure those that you care about know how you feel about them. Stop talking about settling down and bouncing from person to person searching.. when you literally have one of the best things in front of you. Trust me, you want to before it's too late. Regret is one hell of thing to walk with throughout this life. 

I think a lot of us need to hear this. Especially myself. 

My friends, it's okay to hurt. It's okay to feel. It's okay to heal. And I promise you with all of my heart, it's okay to trust a good one. 

We should start thanking our past for screwing up and leading us to better.